Merry Christmas!

December 24, 2011

This year is going to be a different for me. For the first time, I won't be going home for Christmas. I am spending it with Boo Thang and his family. They won't let me sit around and be sad. I don't want to wallow in sadness every holiday. So this year I'm taking back the holidays. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

My Top Ten Favorite Songs of 2011

December 19, 2011

I already did a list of my favorite songs not by black artists. This time I am going to post my top ten songs of this year PERIOD. This year was great for music in general for me. It has helped me through the rough patches of my life and have helped me to celebrate the great times. This list doesn't repeat any songs from the last list. 

1. Rather Die Young - Beyonce'

I loved Beyonce's 4 album as a whole. It was so much better than I Am....Sasha Fierce to say the least. When I heard this song, it immediately made me think of the relationship between Boo Thang and I. It's very touching and I know what it feels like to be in that type of love. 

2. Hear My Call - Jill Scott

I can't listen to this song without crying. It is honest and gut-wrenching. Anytime that I am feeling in the dumps, I play this song as a reminder for prayer and reflection. Those a lost love isn't the reason for periods of grief and despair, it touches me the same. 

3. Round Of Applause - Waka Flocka Flame

Please don't judge me!! Something about this song just makes me want to jump out of my seat and start twerking, lol. I don't do a lot of gimmicky rap....and I damn sure don't get down with him. I just get down with this song. 

4. Lotus Flower Bomb - Wale

I'm late to the Wale party. Honestly this song and the fact that he is signed to Maybach Music Group is the only reason that I am giving him a chance now. This is a great little love song. And it features Miguel!! How can you not like it?

5. Teach Me - Miguel

How can I mention him and NOT add him to the list?! His album (though it came out late last year) is so classic to me. This particular song screams "Prince influenced" to me. It has me grooving a lot. 

6. Your Hands - Marsha Ambrosius

Too much debate about whether or not this chica can sing. I LOVE her. This song to me is the best of a great album. Puts me deep in the mood. 

7. Lift Off - Jay-Z & Kanye West feat. Beyonce

I couldn't put the whole album down as a song and this is my favorite. Power trio. 

8. Yes - Musiq Soulchild

I couldn't leave him off the list. Any time he has an album out, I'm all over it.

9. Thank You - Estelle

When is this album coming out again? I miss her voice. 

10. I Miss You Now - Ledisi

This is another song that I can't listen to without going into a massive cry fest. I can't relate to this song right now, but I have certainly felt that way in life. It is just so raw and full of emotion. 

BONUS TRACK: Womanifesto - Jill Scott

My girl power anthem of this year!!

What are your favorite songs of this year? 

Review: All I Want For Christmas

December 18, 2011

All I Want For Christmas
All I Want For Christmas by Liliana Hart

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book is my very first Kindle book that I got. It was a free book that I got solely because it was a Christmas book.

This is a collection of two short stories that center around finding love. In the first story, Kate is stranded in Chicago on Christmas Eve when a sexy stranger offers her refuge from the blizzard. The second story centers around Grant and his relatively new quest for love.

I read this over the course of 24 hours. It was a quick and steamy read. I loved it.

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Review: Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns: Stories

December 13, 2011

Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns: Stories
Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns: Stories by J. California Cooper

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I started reading this book because it showed up on the Goodreads list of a lot of my followers. I was excited because I have never read anything from J. California Cooper before. I'm always eager to try out new authors.

I didn't really care for this book a lot. It was depressing and for a collection of short stories, it took too long for me to finish. The style of writing was a bit too preachy for my tastes. As a Christian, even I don't like to get beat upside the head with religion. HOWEVER, I would buy this book for younger girls....mostly teenagers. I think the issue for me was that these were lessons I've already learned through trial and error....or by watching the mistakes of others. For a young person, this could make a difference. Good book, just not for me.

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Top 5 Songs of 2011 NOT By Black Artists

December 12, 2011

I am a music fanatic. My favorite genre is neo-soul music with some hip hop sprinkled in for a little flavor. Unlike a lot a people I know, I do listen to a broad range of music so my tastes are very wide. I think 2011 has been the year of alternative music tastes for me. Here are my top 5 faves!!

1. Moves Like Jagger -  Maroon 5

This song is my ringtone right now, lol. Something about this tune just gets in your head and stays there!! I have been a Maroon 5 fan for a VERY long the new album was a must grab for me. I'm not really feeling XTina in this song, though. I feel like she could've been left out. Oh well!

2. You & I - Lady Gaga

Anybody that knows me, knows that me and Lady Gaga do not get down, lol. However I realized it had more to do with her distracting image than anything else of substance. When I heard this song, I was hooked. I am a fan now.

3. If I Die Young - The Band Perry

The only reason that I love this song is because Delilah sung this song on this season of The Sing Off. I am not that big a fan of country music, but this song touches me.

4. Someone Like You - Adele

Do I even need to explain?!?!

5. Who You Are - Jessie J.

I am really feeling Jessie J. right now. Why? No idea...but I'm rolling with it.

What are your favorite songs outside of your main music genre?

That's Not My Stepmother.....That's My Dad's Wife

December 11, 2011

Since my dad got married in July, I have decided that I would stay out of that situation. There is nothing that I can do or I leave it alone. The fact that I was moving that next month as the perfect scenario for it all. They could have their rushed marriage and I wouldn't have to witness it. Seems like the more I try to stay out of it, the more I hear crap about it. I have more than a few gripes with her.

1. The honeymoon phase is over. 

SERIOUSLY?!?!? These folks have been married for 5 months. This has got to be the shortest honeymoon phase that I have ever seen. It's not like they have been together for a long time. Hell they just met in January. This January. Of 2011. Every time I talk to my dad on the phone, he's in the doghouse for this, that, or the other thing. This just makes me sound like a genius when I asked what the rush was. She was all infatuated with his ass while they were dating, but now she apparently doesn't like the man that my dad is. *side eye* She doesn't like that he talks a lot to people. My dad will talk to a tree....that's the kinda guy he is. He never meets a stranger. Let me be the first to say that MY MOTHER loved him for who he was. Talking too damn much and all. She doesn't know why he likes to watch the news so much because that stuff doesn't have anything to do with him. *record scratch* Why the hell are you 44 years old saying stupid shit like that thinking that things that happen in the world around you don't impact you? She has GOT to be the simplest person I have ever met. 

2. She is very insecure.

She doesn't like for my dad to have any interactions with people of the opposite sex. NONE. No women should call him on the phone for any reason. He shouldn't look at other women (as if he lived in a world where only she lived). My dad is a shade tree mechanic in his spare time. He can't even work on cars that are owned by women, unless they belong to her. *sighs*

3. She has a problem with him giving any financial help to his children. 

Now THIS one is the one that grinds my gears. She is financially irresponsible.....a new development since they've been together. She has been used to taking care of all the bills for her own house (which he lives now). Apparently he's responsible for taking care of everything while she goes out to buy $300 Coach purses. He is also supposed to take care of her 2 children that live there too. But when his own children need something, that becomes a problem. She has said that I wasn't raised right because I live with a man who isn't married. I almost went to jail over that statement. This was spoken from a woman who has two children with two different fathers and my dad is her FIRST husband. *sighs* I'm a daddy's girl, even with all this mess. My dad has my back without me having to if I need help of any type, he will be there. She actually got snapped on for this comment. 

For these reasons, that bitch is not my stepmother...she's my dad's wife. A stepmother gets in there and at least TRIES to get to know her stepchildren. She gets in there with my brother but she tries to isolate me. She knows that I am not down with the bullshit. I don't fake the funk with anybody, especially not with anybody that I don't think will stick around long. She doesn't think I know all of this stuff. I let her live Thanksgiving, but Christmas.....stay tuned. She has used all three of her strikes up with me.....I wonder if she knows it.....

The Turn Around

December 4, 2011

I have not posted a lot.....well at all for the last couple weeks. I have been in the FOULEST of moods over the last couple weeks and I just decided not to infect my blog or my readers with any of that. I have even taken to staying off Twitter in my foul moods. The last thing I want are my virtual peeps to think I'm a bitch lol.

The recruiter for my job called me last week to confirm that I will be starting on January 23rd. Background check came back clear and so did the drug screen. She apologized for all the confusion that was going on on my original start date. This lifted my mood dramatically because in my mind, I didn't know if I was going to get to start at all. They say that "no news is good news"......but I have to know something. Boo Thang and I are definitely apartment hunting after the first of the year. Tentative move out date is the first of March. Hallelujah!! He's ready and I am too.

I have been Christmas shopping for the free. By this I mean, most of the gifts that I am buying people cost me nothing. I got Boo Thang and I new cell phones (Droid Incredible 2) on a Cyber Monday sale. They cost $Free.99. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I have been threatening to blow FedEx up. These phones shipped Wednesday and have sat on the back of a FedEx truck since Friday morning. I know we live in the boonies right now.....but I need my phones ASAP. I also scored Boo Thang some celebrity swag. A friend of mine is an equipment manager for the Miami Dolphins. Those players get Reebox apparel for days that they don't want. They gave it to him and he's giving it to me for the cost of shipping. Is that winning or what?! Now as far as all the rest of my gifts......well I'll get to that as I can, lol.

All I know is that my mood is great!!

A Change In CIrcumstances

November 17, 2011

Sometimes I feel like when it rains, it pours. I have been extra pouty over the last couple of days because every time something seems to look up in my life, it somehow takes an extra turn and goes a little sour for me. I am one of those people that is a little afraid to get excited about certain things because I don't want to be disappointed later on. So here's what's been going on.

  1. The start date of my new job has been delayed until January 23rd. I was told that it was delayed because even though they have me in the system they have not started on my background check as of November 14th....the date that I was supposed to start. This is extra irritating to me because I have been on the phone with those people back and forth since I got hired. I've been breaking my neck trying to find old W2s and checkstubs (which proved to be hard because we have moved and still haven't found a new place for important documents to go) to fax in to them. I think that if I am being prompt then as a business you should be too. I feel really bad about this because Boo Thang has since picked up a second job. Mind you he did this because he wanted to have extra Christmas money, but it LOOKS like he's slaving away while I am at home doing nothing (at least this is what I heard it looks like *rolls eyes*). I was looking forward to this job because it means that we could get our own place really soon.....but it looks like that dream is deferred.
  2. My computer crashed. It has EVERYTHING on it. Plus it was my best mode of entertainment thus far. Bye,'s been fun.
  3. My dad is depressed because it doesn't seem like his marriage is working.....after 4 months and 15 days. I told him that shit was not going to work back in June sympathize with him just a little bit. That's my daddy. He really is good people....too good to be mistreated by an immature, insecure golddigger.
  4. Boo Thang and I need our own place. ASAP. I am starting not to feel like an adult anymore and this is a SERIOUS problem for me as I have always been a pretty independent person.
So these are my gripes. They are all workable....but sometimes it just feels good to pout about it, listen to slow jams and drink wine.
I feel

Review: Silver Sparrow

Silver Sparrow
Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I picked this book up solely because two of my Goodreads buddies have already read it and were singing their praises. This book has GOT to be the best book that I have read in all of 2011!!

The opening line of the book is "My father, James Witherspoon is a bigamist...." From there on, the story starts to take a life of it's own. This book is told through the eyes of two sisters. One knows the full story of his father's double life, the other living in a blissful ignorance until their two worlds forcefully collide. Dana feels that she has had the burden of being a secret and has always had the feeling that she is less than her sister Chaurisse. She has always had to take a back seat to whatever was going on in her father's other family's lives. Chaurisse, on the other hand, has always felt extremely lonely and disadvantaged, regardless of all the love that she has received from her mother, father, and uncle.

In all the books that I read, I try to take away from it a lesson that the author might have wanted his/her readers to know. In this book the point seemed to be that parents will mess up their children with the selfishness that they have in their personal lives. Though everyone in this book claimed to have great love for the two girls involved, the adults rared looked past their own needs to see how this was going to put their children at a severe disadvantage when it came to their emotional development. They are the ones who truly lost in the end.

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Music Therapy: I Don't Like Her....I'm A Hater

October 30, 2011

Getting from point A to point B in my new city, I'm able to listen to 3 different black radio stations. This is a far cry from living in Oxford where there was only one black radio station…..located in Memphis….where you had to hope a clear day would pick up that signal from an hour away. So I've been  living it up.

There is this one song that comes on and leaves me with lots of thoughts EVERY TIME it comes on…..which is oddly not a lot. It's called Hater by Miranda Brooke. This goes on my list as the most honest song sung by a woman of all time. Well maybe of just 2011. Sometimes when we go through a breakup, women put on a façade. We are thinking about the man. We are just fine without the man. We don't care who he goes out with next. Yea, right!!! I can honestly say that I have felt just like Miranda Brooke. And this song makes me feel feelings like I'm going through that right now….and my relationship is fine!


Now she gets the best of you
While the rest of you is left back with me
She don't have a clue just what to do with you

I don't like her
I'm a hater
You're in love, I'm alone
It's not fair.
She gets the good guy
I got the player
So I don't like her
I'm a hater

Have any of you felt this way? Be honest.

And The Push For A Wedding Begins.....

October 29, 2011

While Boo Thang and I were living in Oxford, we had a good bit of pressure from my extended family to go on ahead and get married. Most of it came from the fact that we were living together. My family is really old fashioned in that way. My pastor at the time even sat us both down when my mom went into hospice care and told us how we needed to get married before my mom died. My mom was NOT going!!! She really didn't want us to rush things because of her and gave Jay her blessing for whenever we were ready. We decided at that point that we would work at our own pace and not let outside pressure influence us. We were under the impression that our move closer to his family would erase that element from our relationship. WRONG!!!! 

Boo Thang has a second cousin who has been deemed nuttier than squirrel shit is a little on the strange side. Apparently this woman (who I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet) and Boo Thang's mama have been communicating on the phone a pretty good bit about me, him and our relationship track. One day after we had been out all day, there was a BIG package waiting at home for me. I opened it up to reveal a box that says David's Bridal on the front. In my mind I'm going "please don't let this be a dress, please don't let this be a dress!" It's a wedding dress. *sighs* Inside the dress box is a letter that reads:

Dear Kat,

This is [name omitted]. I know that you don't know me but I have heard a lot about you and your relationship with Boo Thang. I want to do something to help you guys out. The Lord led me to pick out this wedding dress for you. I felt the spirit of your mother and grandmother leading me to this particular dress and I know that they are pleased and smiling down on you. This is my gift to you, you don't owe me anything….BUT you have to use this dress by November 17th! I am excited to attend your upcoming wedding.

[Name Omitted]

WTF?!?! WHO BUYS A WOMAN A WEDDING DRESS?!?!?!?! Furthermore who buys someone a dress with stipulations. My natural reaction to that letter was to laugh. Boo Thang's was to snap off….hard. He said, "she means November 17th….of this year….as in next month? Oh hell naw!!" To add insult to injury, this dress is hideous not the wedding dress for me. It doesn't fit and Boo Thang has seen me in it. So even if I liked it, I couldn't use it. I'm superstitious like that. He's slightly pissed at his mom for not stopping this in it’s tracks. My thoughts are "dang…here we go again!"

With me getting a job (still turning cartwheels over that) we are closer to that. We refused to get married still having to ask our parents for basic living needs….or still living in his mom's house. People don't seem to understand exactly what our plans are. We are heading that way….but can we PLEASE make some money. What I want to say to all parties involved is:

IF YOU WANT US TO GET MARRIED SO BAD, PAY FOR IT!!!!! I AM NOT HAVING A COURTHOUSE WEDDING… do you still want us to rush now? Thought so. Oh and that down payment on a new place….we're gonna need that too. *rolls eyes* 

Turning The Corner

October 27, 2011

Today I had an interview at Comcast for a Retention Executive position. Pending a drug test and a background check……I GOT A JOB!!!! My start date is November 14th and I couldn't be happier. I got 2 whole weeks to bring my wardrobe back to professional standards (and clothes that fit properly). *happy screams* 

The interviewer….he was amazing. He sat down at the beginning of the interview and told me, "I've seen your resume and I'm impressed. Right now I already want to recommend to HR to hire you….so it's up to you to blow the interview." Wow. This put me in the most relaxed position EVER. After all the questions, he just kept saying "great" and "brilliant." Made me feel great. AND he got cool points with me for not dismissing me on sight because of my juris doctor. I thought I had applied to this job with a resume that took this off. Apparently not. When he said,"so I see you have a law degree," I immediately went OH SHIT in my head. But it was nothing to him….thank God!

I'm just happy that it went so well. The first person I called was my Dad.....can you believe that, lol? I can finally start getting my credit on track. In fact….I'm getting a copy of my credit report sent out to me as I type so I can see the damage. I am one of those awful people that slides it under the rug because there was nothing I could do about it. I can finally bring my student loans current and start saving. More importantly, Boo Thang and I are finally a two income relationship. He just got a promotion (after being there 2 months…what!!). We can finally move out of his mom's house and start wedding planning.  *sighs* All is right with the world.

Wordless Wednesday - The Cycle of Flossing

October 26, 2011

The Cycle of Flossing

Review: If Sons, Then Heirs

If Sons, Then Heirs
If Sons, Then Heirs by Lorene Cary

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

After I read a review of this book from a twitter friend, I was all on board to give a try. I found this book during Borders' going out of business sale and was excited.

This book centers around Alonzo Rayne and the Needham family. The core of the story tells of a parcel of heir property that needs to be dealt with to help the matriarch, Selma, be taken care of in her old age. There is also a story of redemption when it comes to Alonzo's mother, Jewell, who gave him up at a very young age. Racism, family intricacies and love plays itself out though the whole of the touching story.

This book starts of VERY slow. So slow that I quit reading this book to start another one. Once the plot opens to the heir property situation the story snowballs into action. The only gripe I had about the book is that sometimes it was hard to know from whose point of view I was reading. The thing I loved most about the book was the family tree placed at the beginning. I needed to refer back to that A LOT. Overall I give this book 3 stars.

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Review: Joy For Beginners

October 15, 2011

Joy For Beginners
Joy For Beginners by Erica Bauermeister

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I normally read books that are by my favorite authors or books that have been recommended to my by other people. Joy For Beginners is a book that I saw on the new releases shelf in the library and checked it out based on the liner notes and the cover alone.

This book centers around a woman named Kate, who just went into remission from a bout with breast cancer. In celebration, she is inviting her 6 closest friends over for a victory dinner. Kate's daughter, Robin, has challenged her to do something that she wouldn't have ever done as a way to celebrate her new lease on life. The catch is that she doesn't get to pick it out herself. Robin has challenged her to go whitewater rafting down the Grand Canyon, which definitely scares the life out of her. She comes up with the idea to challenge each of her friends to get out of her comfort zone and do something challenging within a calendar year of that night. Because she didn't get to choose her challenge, Kate picks out all the challenges for her friends.

This book is separated into 7 different stories that weave in and out of each other so much that feel as if you know all the women personally at the end of the book. It details the growth that the women have had to go through raising children, watching them leave home, fighting illness, going through divorces and losing loves in the period of life when you would normally think you should coast until the end. It really teaches to never get complacent in life and to always have joy.

I really loved this book and hope to discover more from Erica Bauermeister. I love her writing style!

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A Self Hating Black Person....?

September 30, 2011

Yesterday Jackson State University played Texas Southern University on ESPNU. Even living down here in the area, I decided to watch the game on TV rather than actually go to Veterans Memorial Stadium to watch it. You want to know why I didn't go? I didn't go because I like football. I don't think it makes good sense to pay any amount of money to watch mediocre SWAC football just to wait until halftime to see the bands play. This is why I make it my business to go to Atlanta every January to see the Honda Battle of the Bands (….that and to catch up with my Sigma Alpha Iota and Phi Mu Alpha family). While watching the game on TV, I realized that JSU isn't really all that good a football team. It's just that Texas Southern was so……BAD. I'm talking three fumbled punts by TxSouthern leading to three JSU touchdowns bad.
I said as much on Twitter….because I say whatever I'm feeling on Twitter. A lot of people on my timeline have stated previously that the integration of colleges is what led to black college football being so bad. I said, "you can't really expect top tier athletes to go into subpar programs just because they're black and this is a black school." Period. Point blank. Here is where the Twitter madness began.
"Catch 22. Top athletes go to other schools for the tv EXPOSURE. Dream=NFL."
To this I replied, "Great athletes come out of the MEAC all the time. They get their dreams fulfilled without the major TV exposure. You need a quality program first." Which is the truth.
"Only been a hs #guidance coun for 14 yrs, watched 5 AfAm go to NFL while 500 played in college. All 5 went to SEC D1 sch."
This one was a little easier to combat. I replied, "Sorry your experience led you see more than that. I'm a football enthusiast and can name more than 5 blacks from HBCU's that went to the league from last year's draft class. " There were 4 players that were drafted from HBCUs: Johnny Culbreath, South Carolina St.; Frank Kearse, Alabama A&M; Curtis Holcomb, FAMU; Kenrick Ellis, Hampton. Not only were these four drafted but TWENTY-FOUR MORE were signed as undrafted free agents as soon as the lockout ended. So miss me with that. I think I made her mad because I got these series of tweets.
"Sounds like you know ur ppl, but they don't know you. Prolly tv. Typical crabs in a bucket put'n down SWAC. B blezd. Self hate is the worst hate. I'm 2 pro-black 2 put any HBCU down. That's just me. Get there 1 day. Keep tryin."
This is when I logged out for the night. I'm a self hating black person because I don't like SWAC football. Are you serious?! How many people actually go to the game to WATCH THE GAME? Not very many. It's a band field show and a social event where football is played in the background. My parents both went to Alcorn State University. I've been to enough SWAC games in my life to figure that out. What do guys call it when a team is playing football and gets beat by three touchdowns? Give up? They call it GETTING SWAC'D! I wasn't putting down the schools. I just think the football is bad. That's my opinion. I'm entitled to that. What I need all these "pro-black" people to do is research and speak with knowledge about things they claim to love so dearly. I want them to stop getting so mad about other people's opinions that they do a smoke and mirrors routine to cover up their ignorance.
I am a black woman. I know where I come from. I graduated from the University of Mississippi and learned more about my skin color than I ever could have imagined. Get over yourself. Learn to see something past skin color. I also don't care for Ole Miss football and think that maybe we should join Conference USA…..but you didn't ask that…did you? For me to be such a self hating black person, I surely knew more about these young black men than she did. I go out of my way to know these things. I don't rest on a degree from a particular college or living in particular neighborhood to give me my blackness. I live in it everyday. That was not my first time hearing that….I'm sure it won't be my last.

Happy Birthday, Mama!

September 26, 2011

Today would've been my mother's 53rd birthday. It's only been a little over a year since she died but think as the time goes by I miss her more and more. The more things that I go through, the more I want to pick up that phone and call her. I miss her laugh, her rants.....even our fifty-leven phone calls going "girl, did you see that mess?!" during one episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Not having her to lean on saddens me, but I hope she's proud of me and how hard I'm still going.

Gone but never forgotten.....happy birthday, Mama.....

Is It A Crime To Disagree?

Today I was reading my daily devotional Bible reading plan, which I absolutely love because it keeps me in the word every day…..not just on Sundays. (If I restricted my faith to Sundays, I wouldn't have any because my church going is VERY irregular) Today's passage was:

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT

Have you ever tried to argue in a whisper? It is equally hard to argue with someone who insists on answering gently. On the other hand, a rising voice and harsh words almost always trigger an angry response. To turn away wrath and seek peace, choose gentle words.

This stuck with me because last week was a very argumentative week for me to say the least. Boo Thang and I have been having the dumbest of arguments lately. I think the change of scenery, slight stress, and new living situation has us biting at each other a little bit. We're fine (can't let the night slip away before we make things right), but I've noticed that we are some loud arguers, lol. Gentle answers are something that we both need to work on. He gets loud, I get louder….and the next thing we know we're wondering why the other is screaming. Which always breaks the argument into laughter (we're odd). But an argument or two in a relationship is to be expected.

This devotion REALLY stuck with me because of my "arguments" on social networks. I enjoy intelligent discussions and debates. They are my life force. I am the type of person that has to get my point across. If I don't agree with you, I will tell you why and back it up with all the reasons why. Blame it on law school….but I love to go back and forth with people. Who knows? You talk a good enough game and I just might change my mind.

What irritates me are those people that have ideals and thoughts about particular things with basis or backing. When you ask them why they believe that, they have a shaky explanation. When you tell the reason you believe the opposite, they get upset. *side eye* Is it a crime to disagree nowadays? A lot of people on social networks (well… in general)are under the assumption that if you think differently from them that you hate them and everything you say is wrong. I had a Twitter discussion earlier this week about The Help with a follower (why I did this to myself for the 3rd time is BEYOND ME). He said that he neither read the book nor saw the movie and wasn't planning on doing either. Then proceeds to talk about it. I said, "I really can't get on board with anything you're saying because you aren't able to speak intelligently about the subject." From here, I was accused of insulting his character and integrity. Was that "harsh words to make a temper flare?" I regularly get into these debates with the same end result. *sighs* What I have come to realize is that people don't like to be challenged. While I enjoy this mental stimulation, others are content where they are. I have vowed to stay away from these debates with people I don't know very well. It's a headache.

Review: The Help

September 4, 2011

The Help
The Help by Kathryn Stockett

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book! With all the controversy surrounding the book and the movie, I was afraid that I wasn't going to like it. I finished the book this week and I saw the movie tonight with my aunt and grandmother. This was the only book and movie combo where I cried at the end of both of them. I loved the fact that there were white women in that book that loved and were appreciative of their maids. My favorite two characters were Minny and Celia. The relationship between the two of them was hilarious and kept me reading just to get back to them. Being a native Mississippian and recently moving to the Jackson metro area, the book just seemed so alive to me because I could picture those places on my mind as I read.

I am quite convinced that those who are mad at the movie haven't read the book. What people fail to realize is that the book and the movie were not targeted for the African American audience. We live with racism on a daily basis and have heard first hand accounts from parents and grandparents. This was targeted toward the white audience. These books and movies are important for those who have white privilege. It lets them know exactly what the struggles are.....and how they haven't changed.

View all my reviews

Frenemies: How Many Of Us Have Them?

August 26, 2011

I have written this blog post many times and put it back on the shelf (the shelf being my One Note blog notebook). Every time I sit on a decide not to post it, I get more to post about on the subject. So I figured why the hell not post it.

A frenemy is defined as "someone who is both friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust."

Personally I can't stand these types of "friends." With the personality that I have, I am quick to cut people off when I think they have wronged me. Fake friends (that's the only thing frenemies are in my mind) are the first to go. PERIOD. It's okay to deal with these kinds of people when you are in high school. That's where these people live….and should stay. I thought that I wouldn't have to deal with these people post undergrad. Boy was I mistaken. As I've gotten older, I have taken some serious inventories of my life. There are people that I still hold close to me that haven't deserved a place there in a long time. Now I know that friends have issues and fights all the time….then kiss and make up. But there are people that I have been looking at with the severe side eye trying to figure out why in the hell they still matter.

#1: The "always desperately needy, but constantly missing in action" friend

Me and Number One have been friends since my sophomore year at Ole Miss. We were fast friends and things were really cool between us. She experienced some really trying times during the height of our friendship. It was during these times that the friendship got more and more one sided. I wasn't upset about it. Losing your mother and grandmother in the span of one year is pretty tough. Then it became "can I borrow [insert cash amounts here]?" and "can you take me here though my boyfriend lives with me, has a car, and won't?" I felt like I was doing this (which I would have done regardless) but whenever I needed someone to lean on….I got the crickets and the voicemail. She had to transfer to a school closer to home my first year in law school. We lost touch for about 3 years. We reconnected and I was happy to try to rekindle that relationship. I thought that enough time had passed for it to be a little different. We live about 20 minutes away from each other right now. When I told her I was moving to her area, she was excited. I called as soon as I got settled in to go out to lunch. What I got was, "can I borrow $20 dollars for gas until next week?" NEXT!!! My friends know what my money situation is like. My REAL friends would have at least caught up first before they asked me for money. Some things never change.

#2: The "I need a gaggle of female groupies" friend

I am a pretty quiet and shy person…..when I first get to know you. I'm pretty reserved til I can feel you out. But once you get to know me, you understand that I am anything but. Yet friend Number Two thought I was some kind of quiet flunkie. She was happy hogging up all the spotlight and attention in law school…..until she realized that her little flunkie (me) was the more likeable person. Then she did everything to try to make sure people hated me. Huh? NEXT! She still pretends to be my friend now, but I guess it's kind of tough to keep up a façade when Facebook wall posts go ignored.

#3: The "ultra-competitive" friend

This friend really wants to be you. They are actually okay to be around until there is a situation where you outshine them, have more knowledge than them on a subject, or are generally being something that they want to be. Most times you don't really notice it. I have had situations that no matter what the topic of conversation is they want to negate everything you're saying. Even when that stuff is wrong as two left shoes. I'm talking about how great Charming Charlie's is but she wants to make sure that nobody goes there because Icing and Claire's are still hot. I don't get it. NEXT!!

I'm 28 years old. The time for these people have come and gone in my life. I have culled my friend's list so that it looks more like Waiting to Exhale than Basketball Wives. I deserve to have people who care about me the way I care about them. That list went down to 4 last week. I like it.

First Steps

August 19, 2011

I have moved!!! YES!!!!

The past month has been a flurry of packing, moving and getting things in order to move. I intentionally stopped blogging so that I can get into a less busy head space. I am officially a resident of Madison County….and that feels pretty good. Around my last couple of days left in Oxford, I realized  that I have lived in Oxford for the past 10 years. I moved into Crosby Hall at Ole Miss on June 27, 2001. That was the beginning of the second summer session before my freshman year. I never left. Something about Oxford connected with me. I guess that was because my hometown is the size of a small village. Anything that was a little bigger was better for me. Went to undergrad there. Went to law school there. Then started spinning my wheels there. Great town for a student…..not that great for anyone else there.

I've been here almost 3 weeks and it is still kinda weird to call anywhere else home. These are familiar surroundings but I've only visited. I am still trying to get out and bump around to make myself more at home. The job search has also began. I may have a job next week….but that is the subject for another post if and when I get the job.

There is also a change with Boo Thang and I. Over the past few days, he has been the most affectionate guy. I have the urge to just reach out and ask him what he did, lol. He's excited that he got to take me home with him. Can't be mad at that. We were stuck in a little rut and the change of scenery has done us good….in 3 weeks lol. 

HOWEVER (and what is a happy post without a "but") I am SO ready to move, lol. We are staying with Boo Thang's mother and stepdad until we save enough money to move out. I feel like that we have instantly stepped into the role of children. I love his mother to death, but it is so obvious that the absence of children has her happy that we are there. I don't have any problems, but Boo Thang is seriously annoyed. When he's annoyed, I'm annoyed. (It just happens like that sometimes.) I haven't lived at home with my parents for more than a summer in the past ten years, so I understand how much of a culture shock this is for him. All the more reason to get on up, get it together and move on out. It's going to work itself out though....or y'all will hear about it. 

Oh Granny....

July 16, 2011

Who doesn't love their grandmother? I do!! She can cook her ass off, was great for the weekend getaway when I was tired of my parents and she's sweet as pie. Since my mom died last year, Ms. Grandma (yes, that's what I call her) has been abnormally clingy. Since my mom is her daughter and we are the only grandkids that still live in state (and only an hour away), I didn't mind that she wanted to see more of us. That was until my visits became not enough. Since Mother's Day, I've been on strike until I get some kind of inkling that my feelings are being respected and taken into account. Not to mention that my days are pretty full with looking for a job, coordinating a move and just trying to regain a sense of normalcy, and trying to get my car fixed. I just really haven't felt like being bothered. I know that's kinda awful. I feel bad about it….a little bit.

Last night, Ms. Grandma calls me and the tone is harsh from the first hello. No "hey, how you doing" just "y'all just don't call me at all no more, huh?!" *sighs* I JUST TALKED TO HER a few days ago. This call was one to convince me not to move. As have the last few calls have been. That's the real reason she's angry. Every time we talk it's all the same "concerns" with a new one added in to just throw me off. It's quite irritating. Here are a few of the tactics:

"Why are you even moving way down there in the first place?" It's really only 2 1/2 hours, first off. I need to find a job ASAP. The job opportunities up here are non-existent for me unless I want to work at a factory. So I am going there for better networking, since all my colleagues are there and so I can have a better chance to get a job. I don't have any children or anything that's tying me here….so why not? (that always pisses her off)

"How do you know that Boo Thang's mama wants you to stay there?" As I have explained 1000 times, staying with his mom is temporary until a security deposit for a new place to stay is saved. Won't be there past October….and the end of the year is pushing it. Besides, she wanted me to come down there and stay with her by myself a year and a half ago because she thought I would find a better job down there….so this isn't much of a stretch.

"How do you know you're going to be able to even find a job down there?" Well, I can't do any worse down there than I'm doing up here, can I? (Way to go for the support, though)

"What is your brother going to do if you leave? I sure wish you would think about that and not leave him here by himself!!" Umm….you do know he is 22 years old right? He's not a baby and if people would quit having that attitude about the situation, everyone would be better off. He's a guy. He has to learn how to make it on his own at SOME point.

"Why are you running away?" (This is in reference to my dad getting married.) I'm not running away. This decision was made long before I even knew they were getting married. We are just moving south and not north like we originally planned for money's sake. Them getting married just made the decision all the more comforting.

To do this once a week is really exhausting. I love my Granny to death. I really do….but a little support is all I'm asking for. Can I get ONE thing? 

TAG: 7 Random Things About Me

July 13, 2011

I love these things!! I was tagged by my Twitter pal and play cousin ConvertingME. Here are the rules: list 7 random things about yourself and answer a couple of questions.

7 Random Things

1. I love oatmeal, so much so that oatmeal is more than breakfast. It's lunch, a side dish for dinner and a midnight snack. Give me cinnamon, sugar and some apples and I am a happy woman……for at least a few hours.

2.  I don't like for my foods to touch on my plate. I consider my a foodie, but I need to taste everything individually. I've been that way ever since I was a little girl. I would literally cry if green beans touched my mac and cheese. Repeated scolding that sounded like "It's all going to the same place anyway" never really worked. I'm almost 28 and I stop short of needing compartment plates, lol.

3. I am really anti-social, which is so unlike the Leo that I should be. When I want to hang around people, I am a social butterfly. But when I want to be alone, that can last for weeks. Don't bother me, don't ask me to go anywhere, don't show up at my house. I need ample notice of a girl's night out or people coming over so that I can put on my social face.

4. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is pick up my Blackberry off the nightstand. I check my email and Twitter all before I get out of bed. I'm probably a little TOO connected.

5. I have people that I have met through Twitter or through the blogosphere that are closer friends to me than people I've met in real life. It's kinda weird, but it is what it is.

6. I absolutely hate moving!!! The fact that I have to be completely packed up and ready to go in 18 days freaks me out. I hate the act of packing up my life and I hate having to unpack it in the new destination. We haven't fully unpacked from the last move, lol.

7. I couldn't live a day without music. It is my driving force. I have a song for every situation and certain songs take me right back to the period in time when it first came out. I communicate with songs when I can't find the words to say what I need to.

Q&A Session:

  • Favorite Color: Red!
  • Favorite Song: Ready Or Not by After 7 (I first heard this song when I was 7 or 8 years old at a pagent. It's been my favorite ever since.)
  • Favorite Dessert: I don't really like dessert but my favorite sweet thing is Blue Bell Buttered Pecan Ice Cream
  • Biggest Pet Peeve: Repeating myself a lot during a conversation. I feel like when I'm talking to people, they should be listening. I hate having to have conversations twice with people.
  • When You are Upset, You: Rant. I just go completely off. Holding that stuff in makes me feel physically ill, so it's healthier that way.
  • Your Favorite Pet: I've never had a real pet that I took care of outside of fish. I would really love to get a dog. Convincing Boo Thang is the hard part.
  • Black or White: Black
  • Biggest Fear: Spiders!! I hate them.
  • Best Feature: My booty! It's an attraction, lol.
  • Everyday Attitude: As long as I put in the work, it will happen for me….no matter how long it takes.
  • What Is Perfection?: That exists?
  • Guilty Pleasure: Eating shredded sharp cheddar cheese…..straight out the bag.

I'm Tagging

Irendi @ Recklessly Me

Can Beyonce' Catch A Break?

July 6, 2011

It's summer time so you know what that means…….BEYONCE'S BACK!!!!!! Now I'm going to make a confession. I'm a bit of a Beyonce stan. I love almost everything that she does. I love her messages of female empowerment. I love how she creates trends. I love how she is a female force that doesn't back down in the presence of men. Oh yea….I love her music too. I also love the fact that every summer she does something that forces my fluffy ass back in the gym to lose my winter weight and that her music is a great workout soundtrack.

Somehow, Beyonce seems to catch heavy scrutiny any time she does anything. And the scrutiny usually comes from other women (big surprise here). I was lingering around YouTube and found this video. 

First of all let me say that I like Nineteen Percent. Her vlogs and way of delivery are hilarious to me while saying a lot of things that other people just think about. However, I feel like she missed the ball with this one. These statistics and facts that she spouted off in this particular vlog are things that I think women should be aware of. By all means get the word out about discriminatory salary practices among genders in the workplace, sexual harassment, domestic violence, female infanticide in other countries, rape, and the all too common objectification of women. Women need to know what they are up against to be better activists. This video just goes about it the wrong way. She just complaining a lot. It's one thing to be aware of the many issues facing women. It's totally another thing just spout out a bunch of information with no solutions on how to fix it. AND it's a whole OTHER thing to blame these problems on another woman.

How is Beyonce a liar when it comes to this song? Is it so wrong to have a female empowerment anthem? Granted, I think this song is crap, but it doesn’t make me that angry. I never think that it is a bad idea to have little girls everywhere thinking that they can do anything and be anything that they want to be. The way to ensure that women will never transcend the station they are in life is to spout off a bunch of negative information at them and to discard any ounce of a positive message. Let's try this on for size. Let Beyonce do the entertaining and all of us caring women should do our part to help the younger generation not face the issues that prompted Nineteen Percent to call Beyonce out in the first place.

What do you think? Are songs like Beyonce's Run The World presenting an impossible message to young ladies?

The Wedding - Drama Edition

July 5, 2011

So my dad got married this past Saturday. *throws confetti* As much as I was trying to be supportive and go along with this whole match made in heaven  wedded bliss  thing, deep down inside I felt like I was just lying. And I was gonna keep on lying if that made my dad feel good. What else do you do for your parents? Hope for the best, right? Well….it wasn't quite that way.

Friday: I was just going along trying to get ready for the wedding. Trying to get my hair done, pick out my dress, get my makeup and shoes right. I learned early in life that even if you don't feel 100% about something, looking the part makes it that much easier. The diva in me was trying to get right, lol. I was out with my little brother just talking and chilling when my dad calls him about the rehearsal. I can hear him on the phone telling him that the rehearsal was at 6 and asking what time were we coming down. We? Excuse me, I am not going down there for a rehearsal. I am not in the wedding. There is no reason for me to be there if I'm not rehearsing for anything. My brother told him as much. Then he wants to get all mad and upset talking about the rehearsal dinner. If I'm not mistaken….isn't that for the people in the wedding? Never got married before, but all the weddings I've been in have followed that protocol. He sounded so hurt that I wasn't coming that I decided to go down there anyway. What could it hurt? I was only being a spectator. Well I get there and find out that I am being escorted in like they normally escort the mothers and grandmothers in. Weird, but I went along with it. In my mind I thought, "this is the concession F.S.M. made because too many folks told her she was dead ass wrong for not asking me to be apart of this wedding." One thing was VERY clear from the 3 hour rehearsal. This wedding was completely thrown together. But then again, it kinda has to be when you meet someone in January and marry them in July. It had no order. And they were leaving out parts of the vows. Not just the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part…..but other stuff. It was just very strange. What did I do? Help the wedding coordinator work out the kinks in the service and help with the logistics. I think I owed it to my dad not to have go through a completely ghetto service. By 9 PM, I was finally headed home. Long night ahead of me because messing around with an unplanned rehearsal and dinner caused me NOT to get my hair done.

The Wedding: I am habitually late to things that don't have anything to do with work. Can't help it. I'm my father's daughter. This time my brother stopped by the apartment beforehand to talk…..took an hour off my get ready time. So I'm freaking out. I end up being 10 minutes late to the wedding…….since I live 20 minutes away from the church. Damn. I felt so bad about that. Still feel guilty about it today to be perfectly honest. I know what you all are thinking…..but I wasn't late on purpose. I had a plan that got me there 30 minutes early. No dice. They said they were going to wait on me. But they didn't. By my estimates, when my brother told me they were waiting, the moment he hung up the phone they started. Because this was the most abbreviated wedding ceremony in the history of black folks weddings…..they were lighting the unity candle when I got there. I WAS TEN MINUTES LATE!! WHAT THE HELL? It made me sad. I felt like I let people down. BUT… other self that is trying to be more concerned about my own feelings was mad that my dad couldn't wait 10 minutes for his only daughter to get there.  My brother told me that the words that came out of his mouth was "Is F.S.M. here? Well that's all that matters so we're gonna start." Took a chunk out of my heart. He decided to confront me after the wedding. That caused a scene. Boo Thang is the type that when he sees tears roll down my face, he's trying to figure whose ass needs to be kicked. He was fine until he heard my dad say and I quote "If it had been anything else you would have been on time. You've been against this since day one. I deserve to have somebody. I gave you her number to try to get to know her and if you don't like it, I don't care, you can just leave." Wow. And Boo Thang snapped. Hard. Don't even remember what all he said….just know that he did some heavy duty, in church cursing. Then my brother jumped in on my dad and more cursing ensued. I'm a little bit embarrassed…..but vindicated at the same time. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. But I do give my little brother and Boo Thang props for having my back. Haven't talked to my dad since. He caught me when I was leaving trying to hug me and tell me he loved me and was sorry…..but it wasn't his day so what could he do? I don't know, Daddy….that one you have to figure out on your own. I take the blame for some stuff….but in other things, I just can't help how I feel. People kept trying to make it  seem like I have an issue with the marriage when what I really have an issue with is our relationship since he met that woman….I guess now I have to call her S.M. (sounds kinda dirty, lol).

What I did see from the wedding was that the matron of honor had on an identical dress to the bride…..tacky. No one else is supposed to wear white but the bride….and certainly not another wedding dress. The bridesmaids had on green cotton tops and gauchos. I don't need to say ANYTHING ELSE about that.


Daddy Issues Much?

June 20, 2011

Graduation 2005. Crazy how I don't have a picture with me and my dad alone. 
Yesterday was Father's Day. Due to the busyness of the day, I wasn't able to post like I wanted to. What I was able to do was check into Facebook and Twitter periodically.  Why did I do that? From the moment I woke up, (yea….I check Twitter as soon as I roll over and reach for my phone) I saw all manner of fuckery a timeline filled with daddy issues. Instead of "Happy Father's Day" tweets, I saw single mothers demanding to be congratulated on that day. I saw people man bashing. I saw deadbeat dad tweets. The trending topic #ilovemydadeventhough made a brief reappearance. WTH?

I applaud single mothers. I think that they are wonderful for doing everything that need to do to raise children on their own. HOWEVER Father's Day doesn't have anything to do with them. Mother's Day was last month. Take Father's Day as a way to remember your dad if he was around or to pay tribute to a father figure. Don't man bash. Don't emasculate. Hell wish your friend that IS a good dad well wishes. All this bitterness has to stop. Who you have sex with is 100% under your control. Truth be told, that man showed all the deadbeat signs BEFORE he got you pregnant. It's done now though. Love your children and leave the bitterness alone. It doesn’t help them out in the least. And if your father wasn't around….look at this as the perfect opportunity to make sure that doesn't become a generational curse. *steps off soapbox*

Now I have a documented issue with my dad right now……but he's still my dad. He's not perfect, but he was always there and I'm sure that he's doing the best he knows how. I've always been a Daddy's girl. So I wouldn’t let anything take away from HIS holiday. I let the issues rest for the day and paid tribute to him. I got up and took him a card after church. Also went to eat lunch with him and F.S.M. (Now honestly folks….I was doing the most today because all of this was EXTRA. He got one. Not doing it again unless someone else initiates it.) It actually was a decent day. No drama at all….and that works for me. 

Interview Time!

June 17, 2011

Yesterday I had a job interview!!! This is awesomeness for me because being unemployed has been working my LAST nerve. It's a state government job located in Hattiesburg, MS. (If you are reading this, can you please insert me getting this job into your prayers? I will greatly appreciate it!) It's not legal, but it is something that I can definitely be fulfilled in while I get my financial life in order to save up to take the Louisiana Bar Exam. And the pay is more than I have ever made in life, so no complaints there.

I always get really nervous for interviews. I always worry about saying the right things or answering the questions correctly or making the best impression. This time I practiced. And by practiced, I mean thoroughly rehearsed the answers to commonly asked interview questions. I have logged many man hours on looking at articles on interview prep. I walked in there ready. And then they asked me questions that I had no idea how to answer, lol. It amazes me how quick I can think on the fly and how believable it sounds coming out of my mouth! It was also the wrong time to notice how much I say "umm" when I'm stuck…..but hopefully they looked past that. I got some smiles and had good conversations with the two interviewers so hopefully I did well. I won't know anything until the end of the month at the earliest. So here's hoping.

Boo Thang went with me to Hattiesburg. That I am SO thankful for. He helped me drive the 5 hours down there….which is always a plus. I hate long distance driving. He was always a help to keep me calm. He knows how rattled I get and he jumped in like Superman, like he always does.  After the interview was over, we went on a sightseeing tour of Hattiesburg. I had never been to Hattiesburg. I've always been THROUGH Hattiesburg to get to the Coast. Had no real reason to stop there til now. He used to date a girl that went to Southern Miss, so he showed me around. We went mall hopping and apartment looking (by this I mean driving by apartment complexes because I refuse to actually look yet). End result: I have fallen in love with the city of Hattiesburg. I would give a lot to live and work there. I hope that I get this job. 

A Letter To My Mother

June 15, 2011

Dear Mama,

Today marks a whole year since you left here. It's amazing that it's been that long. Actually it's probably been the shortest year of my life. I didn't think that I would ever get used to you not being here. My faith really is getting me through. It gets a little easier everyday. I still miss your presence. The thousand phone calls a day while watching the same TV shows. The laughter and the fun. You taught me so much about life and for that I'm thankful. It's really getting put to use now. I think you would be so proud of me. I'm not exactly where I need to be, but I know you would approve of the work ethic.

I think about the days ahead and I get a little sad. I think about all the things that you are gonna miss, all the things I still need guidance for. Wedding, babies...all those milestones. It's scary to know that I will be doing that without you. But I know you'll be there in spirit. You are loved and truly missed.

Love always,

Grin And Bear It?

June 13, 2011

My dad is getting remarried on July 2nd.

I have known this little tidbit of information since April, but in my mind I just thought that it wasn't going to happen. I have no problem with my dad dating. I could tell that he was getting lonely. Who could blame him? If I were married to someone for 28 years and they died, I would have an issue with loneliness myself. So when he met F.S.M. (future stepmother) back in January, I said go forth and prosper. My baby brother (total mama's boy) pitched the biggest fit about them even dating. He didn't like it, didn't stand for it. I had to log what seemed like hundreds of man hours on the phone with him to get him to realize that Daddy dating is probably a good thing. My brother was stuck on the fact that Mama hadn't even been gone but 7 months.  They had been dating a month before I met her. It was a casual meeting in Walmart of all places. You can't really tell a lot about a person in 30 minutes or so. What I did see was that she had him smiling, laughing, and giggling like a young person (which if you my dad….is strange in itself). So she was okay with me for the most part. My brother, however, was not accepting her AT ALL.

Fast forward to April. My dad and I are riding in my car to Grenada on a Spain's run (All North Mississippians know about the discount meat, lol). My feelings toward my dad at that moment were very soft and fragile. Since my dad had been dating, I haven't seen or heard from him very much. Calls to him left unanswered, text messages where voices used to be. I wanted to use that time to tell him how much I missed him and figure out what the hell was going on. Then we passed by this building and he announces, "that's the building where me and F.S.M.'s reception is going to be. Did I tell you I was getting married?" HELL NO YOU DIDN'T TELL ME AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DIDN'T!!! That was my inside reaction. So my response was, "wow really? When?" To which he replied, "July 2nd. We've been engaged since February." SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR. It didn't make any sense to me. The first anniversary of my mom's death is June 15 and you mean to tell me you are ready to get married less than a month after that? But what I said was, "why so soon?" The reaction that I got from him was "because I'm grown and I don't need to be with someone 5 years to know whether or not I want to be with them!" Wow, Daddy. An overreaction and a knock to my life all in the same blow (he was off because me and Boo Thang have only been together 4 years, but whatever). I didn't like it then, but I said my congratulations. I told him that we all needed to get together with F.S.M. because I don't even know her and she's about to become a part of my family. I hadn't even seen her since we met the first time in January.

Two weeks passed until we got together for dinner. I brought Boo Thang for reinforcements. He knows when I am about to go off before I do, so he works perfectly in what could be heated discussions. F.S.M. was upset that I even asked why they were rushing. She told me that the reason I hadn't spent time with her was my fault and so was the relationship with my dad. Pump your brakes, bitch I don't even know! I told her I didn't have anything against her I just didn't know her and she was marrying my dad. Obviously this put me off. My dad was silent listening to me and her dialogue…..looking sad, not saying a word. Needless to say, I have only heard my dad's voice twice since then. Yea, I know it's June.

Yesterday would have been my mom and dad's 29th wedding anniversary. Talked to my dad and he was torn up about it. Does that sound like a man ready to get married in less than a month to you? Me either. I didn't say anything about it when we talked, but I feel like I must say something soon. As for F.S.M……no attempts to get to know me. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but she is supposed to come to me. She's trying to get in my family, NOT vice versa. My brother is in the wedding. No one asked me to even participate, though my dad really wants me to be there. I feel like I am being shut out and don't really know why. I guess I should just grin and bear it, but how?

HELP!!! Is this how I'm supposed to feel? Am I really doing something wrong?

A New Beginning....

June 5, 2011

Today is the First Sunday of the month. The church sermon today was about getting back on track and doing a revival. I know that the pastor was referring to a spiritual revival, but I know that there are so many more aspects to life that folks need to revive. My mind went to wandering about where I am and how I may be falling short. I figure there is no time better than this day to do some self reevaluations and get some things back on track. To do this, I had to look back on my list of goals for the year that I made on New Year's Day. While this hasn't been a complete fail, I am a little off where I want to be. I have been making some steps but I love to push myself to near perfection. So here's where I stand….

Goal #1: The first task was the pass the MS bar exam…..which I failed. I was exactly 6 points away from passing. I just don't get it. I come SO close to be able to reach out and grab it and can't get to it. 

Goal #2: Still haven't got that job yet…..but I have an interview for a great job lined up. Not necessarily in my career path….but it will pay the bills until I get there.

Goal #3: As far as my weight loss goes….I have gained and lost the same 6 pounds since the beginning of the year. Even though I want to lose weight, I have not been motivated enough to actually do something about it for more than 2 weeks at a time.

Goal #4: This is one I am blowing out of the water!! I am reading more than I have been over the past 4 years. I have started a Goodreads book reading challenge and have pledged to read 25 books over the course of this year. I'm 5 down and almost finished with the 6th! Yay!

Goal #5: I am slowly but surely beginning to blog more. This is a challenge because I get intimidated by other people out there. I am starting to find my own voice though….

Goal #6: *sighs* I am not attending church regularly. BUT I have been watching church regularly on Ustream. So I am, by my own standards, making strides. The upside of watching this church on Ustream is that I will be actually setting foot in the doors regularly really soon…..which brings me to…..

Goal #7: I am going to be moving away from Oxford in 2 months!!!!! Whether or not I have a job by the end of my lease, I am going to be moving to the Jackson Metro area. Now if certain job opportunities open up….I will be moving elsewhere. But the time in Oxford is coming to an end.

Now 3 and a possible out of 7 isn't bad….but I need to get in gear NOW. So this is the updated list for the rest of the year.

Find a job. No way around it. Just has to happen.
Start studying for the Tennessee and Louisiana bar exams. I really feel like that this is a sign that Mississippi is not my final resting place. It's time to get moving. I thought that I could only take the Mississippi bar 3 times but after this fail attempt, they sent me the paperwork for a retest. I don't know if I want to go through this with the state of Mississippi again. I will try for reciprocity later in life if I want to come home and practice.
Lose this weight. It's really getting ridiculous now. I saw a recent picture of myself that made me ask "what happened?" I am starting to have big girl issues….and I am afraid, lol. Tomorrow is the day. No excuses. Just got to get moving.
Continue in my walk with God. It's one of the few things that is giving me life right now. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about my faith.

How are doing with your New Year's resolutions? Are you keeping up or falling short?

Vacation Into Motivation

June 3, 2011

Today is my first day back at home from a 2 week vacation with Boo Thang to visit his family. His little sister and cousin who he considers a little brother graduated from high school. Since their graduations were a week apart, we just decided to stay down there until they both were finished. I love visiting his family. They have the family relationships that I wish I had growing up. It's always fun. But I must say that I am happy to be back home with my TV, computer, internet access and the ability to sit on my ass if I so desire, lol.

That two weeks was the biggest test run. In two months, I am probably going to be following my boyfriend home. Job opportunities in this little corner of North Mississippi are…..well non-existent. Especially with the money that I need to make. (Yes, need…'s hard to settle when you have almost $100K in student loan debt) His mom is totally cool with me staying down there until I get on my feet. She actually has been trying to get me to move down there without him since I got laid off exactly a year ago. So while I was there I did a lot of networking and job applications and inquiries…..and lucked up on a job interview in two weeks. YAY!!!! This is my first job interview in a YEAR!!!  This really boosted my confidence a whole lot. It will make me feel good to start making substantial money again. Then I can start saving up for bar fees and start that race over again.

This turned into Boo Thang wanting to go apartment hunting. He's really not trying to live with his mom for any long stretches of time. He is in super saver mode already, lol. I can understand that. I have lived on my own since I was 22. And we have lived together pretty sufficient since 2009. Hopefully this doesn't strain our relationship any. I think that the power moves that we made while we were down there was something that we both needed. A change of scenery is something that we both need. Keep us in your prayers!

And Mother's Day Starts My Vacation.......

May 9, 2011

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was the first Mother's Day that I have spent without my mom. It made me think back to last year. Mother's Day Weekend 2010 was when I realized that my mom was sicker than she was telling me she was. A month later she was gone. I didn't know how yesterday was going to affect me….but I woke up and was fine. I had plans on watching church service (my favorite church UStreams), going to the cemetery to place flowers at my mother's grave and then going to eat dinner with my Granny. This is NOT how the day went.

Missed church altogether because I overslept. That didn't bother me too much because I have been really stressed and tired lately. This was my body's way of telling me to take better care of myself. Got woken out of my sleep by my grandmother telling me that she wasn't feeling well and that she might have a stomach virus. She said that she still wanted me to come and eat because she cooked dinner. Now I love my granny to death, but she out of all people knows that I have a VERY sensitive system and if I breathe the air of a virus, I am likely to get sick. I immediately went to take a cod liver oil pill, a multivitamin and drink a glass of orange juice (like that was going to anything for a stomach virus….but I prayed about it). In the midst of me getting ready for the day, my brother starts blowing up my phone. This immediately starts me off on the wrong foot. Anytime we are set to anything together, he start blowing my phone up. "Where you at?" "You ready?" "How long until you get ready?" "What time you leaving?" Well, if you would get calling and texting me fiddy-leven times, MAYBE I could get some shit done. Whenever I feel rushed, my blood pressure goes up a bit. Then my grandmother calls back (an hour and a half after I spoke with her the first time) mad as hell that I'm not already down there (regardless that it takes almost an hour to get there) and cussed me out saying that she was going to the doctor.……hangs up in my face and everything. Now this was not the way that the day was supposed to happen. In an hour and a half I am exhausted as hell. So I got back in the bed. My mind went, "skip the dinner, skip the cemetery, get back in the PJs and watch a Madea movie." And that's what I TRIED to do. Then my brother calls again (for the fiddy-thirteenth time) saying that my granny was at the ER. 8 hours later, the diagnosis is that she let her blood sugar get too low and got dehydrated. My guess is that Mother's Day really did take it's toll on her because she was missing my mom too. Glad Granny is okay. Though she didn't make it easy on any doctor or nurse. She had one nurse thinking she was feeble!! My granny is the most active old person I've ever met! She stayed a whole lot longer than was necessary because she wouldn't let those people do their jobs. If my expression could talk, everyone got an "Are you f***ing serious?!" look. But a lot of things have to change from today forward.

I don't feel like anyone in my immediate family respects my time, my feelings, my life, or my sanity. I love them and I know that this has been a rough almost year…..but we gotta get back down to some order in some form or fashion. I can't DO everything. I can't BE everywhere. I spent all day, as I have spent the majority of the last year looking out for everyone else's needs. I don't even get a thank you. Just "it's what you were supposed to do" or "what else were you going to be doing." I have prayed about it because I don't want to just leave them high and dry….but I do need a little peace. I need to be free from drama for more than a few hours at a time. I need for everything to calm down. Every issue is NOT a DefCon 5 situation! So my phone has been off and in my underwear drawer all day. In case of a real emergency, they have the boo thing's number and I know they won't call that for any minor stuff. I'm on strike.
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