Wordless Wednesday 5-29-13

from arthlete.tumblr.com

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In Search of Fulfillment

Last Monday was my first day back at work after my second eye surgery. (Sounds like deja vu, doesn't it?) I swear that Sunday night I had butterflies out of this world and my sleep was restless and fitful. This is totally not good. I had a 3 day weekend and I am experiencing the same symptoms. This is NOT good. I've been working for this communications company for a year and 5 months.

The pay is good and with commission, I bring in good money. I love my co-workers. HOWEVER, the cubicle life is leaving me wanting so much more. The stress of the job almost isn't worth the money. My shift sucks (although I can't complain about that anymore since I do get a new one starting in exactly a month.) I have so much stress and anxiety before my shift starts. It usually passes once I get there, but it shouldn't be like that. I NEED AND CRAVE fulfillment in my job and life.

It's not just the job. I just need something different. I need to do something that makes me feel like I am doing something that matters....whether or not I get paid for it. It's time to re-examine the bar exam. For real. One more go at it. Outside of the state of Mississippi. I sat that dream on the shelf because it was taking too long. That wasn't fair to myself. Something has got to give.

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Thinking About Mothers....

Okay, I know this is a late post, but it takes me a minute to sort out all of my feelings about Mother's Day as the year go by. 

This marked the second Mother's Day without my mom and almost three years since she passed. It does get easier a little everyday, but I REALLY miss my mom.

Me and Mama; Baby Gerry's footprints

She was my best friend, more like sisters after I turned 18 than that strained mother-daughter relationship that a lot of women have. Every year around this time is hard for me. She passed in June, so next month will be tough as well. 

This year was especially hard for me because this would have been my first Mother's Day. For those that are new, I lost my firstborn son at 23 weeks last September  I never knew that there would be so much of a grieving process for someone that you never met BUT THERE IS. Every time I think that I have gone through the healing process, it comes right back up. Boo Thang, of course, anticipated all of this. He bought me Mother's Day gifts.

Who doesn't love gifts to brighten your day?

His sister did as well. They did a good job of keeping me in tears all Sunday. It feels good to still be considered as a mother. Boo Thang said, "just because he died, it doesn't erase the memory....it doesn't mean that it didn't happen." I've been learning through my support group that losing your child doesn't mean you aren't a mother. It's nice to hear it from those you love. So Mother's Day wasn't bad after all. It actually was a great and beautiful day. 

How did you spend your day?

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Random Acts of Kindness and Charity

Last night, Boo Thang and I went to Starbucks for a late night frappucino (I'm so spoiled). When we were leaving out of the store, Boo Thang was approached by a young guy. I went and got in the car....as I always do because this could take a while (Boo Thang can chat!). I was noticing that this guy was limping and he had a woman and a little baby with him. After Boo Thang gets in the car, the nosiness takes over and I ask what was up with the guy. Apparently, the guy and his little family just moved here looking for a new opportunity and were living in a hotel. Their money was running out and they were about to get put out of their room that night. He didn't even want cash. He was perfectly content to have someone just go and put money on the room. Now I'm hearing this story as Boo Thang is driving out of the parking lot!!! 

I just wasn't going to feel right in my spirit if that little baby was not going to have a place to sleep and these folks were walking around metro Jackson after dark. I made Boo Thang turn around and go get them!! It was almost $60 for the room, but that is a small price to pay for someone else's safety for the night. I said a little prayer as they piled in the car. We are really softhearted people and this has gotten us into sticky situations before, so I just had to trust that I was doing the right thing. It just felt really good to help them. To feel like I had made a difference even for 24 hours. 

Boo Thang gets to work this morning to tell this story to his co-workers...not in a bragging way, but in a "y'all won't believe what happened last night" way. He just called me and let me know that his office has taken it upon themselves to adopt this family because I made him turn around. They have each given one more night in the hotel. They are getting together clothes and going to buy food and toiletries. According to him, they have forgotten they have have a business to run, lol. He said  "this is the reason why I love you." *blushes* I can't take any credit for this. I just did what I would hope folks would do for me. I'm just proud to know that one random act of kindness turned into so much. I wish them well. 

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Deja Vu

It's been a moment since I've posted. I went back to work after my retinal detachment surgery and was getting acclimated to my surroundings and handling customers again. However, the evening of April 28, I started noticing wavy lines in my field of vision. I got nervous but prayed for the best. When I woke up that Monday, my vision was noticeably cloudy. By two in the afternoon, I couldn't see a thing out of that left eye.

from strategicstoryteller.com

Of course I feared the worst. I was already at work so I worked my whole shift (which my supervisor thought that I was crazy for doing). I went to the doctor on Tuesday. Diagnosis: traction retinal detachment in my left eye. This was caused by scar tissue that developed from the first surgery that was pulling the retina loose. It wasn't a complete detachment, my vision was obstructed by fluid. So here we are again.

I had surgery on Friday morning to re-repair the retina. Because the retina in my right eye had some weak spots in it, my ophthalmologist did some laser surgery on it too. The last thing I need is for this to happen in this eye too. They filled my eye with silicone oil, which is kinda like putting a pin in broken bone to help it heal. The down side is that I have to have a THIRD surgery in 3 months to take this oil back out. So I'm at home again on short term disability. I possibly caused this by going back to work too fast to stare at a computer screen for 8+ hours a day. I'm going to be a good little patient and take my recovery slow and steady this time. The good news is that I don't have to use any more of my personal leave this time because this ties back to the original disability claim. *happy dances* I just have to sit tight, rest and take it easy. Easier said than done....

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