So my dad got married this past Saturday. *throws confetti* As much as I was trying to be supportive and go along with this whole match made in heaven wedded bliss thing, deep down inside I felt like I was just lying. And I was gonna keep on lying if that made my dad feel good. What else do you do for your parents? Hope for the best, right? Well….it wasn't quite that way.
Friday: I was just going along trying to get ready for the wedding. Trying to get my hair done, pick out my dress, get my makeup and shoes right. I learned early in life that even if you don't feel 100% about something, looking the part makes it that much easier. The diva in me was trying to get right, lol. I was out with my little brother just talking and chilling when my dad calls him about the rehearsal. I can hear him on the phone telling him that the rehearsal was at 6 and asking what time were we coming down. We? Excuse me, I am not going down there for a rehearsal. I am not in the wedding. There is no reason for me to be there if I'm not rehearsing for anything. My brother told him as much. Then he wants to get all mad and upset talking about the rehearsal dinner. If I'm not mistaken….isn't that for the people in the wedding? Never got married before, but all the weddings I've been in have followed that protocol. He sounded so hurt that I wasn't coming that I decided to go down there anyway. What could it hurt? I was only being a spectator. Well I get there and find out that I am being escorted in like they normally escort the mothers and grandmothers in. Weird, but I went along with it. In my mind I thought, "this is the concession F.S.M. made because too many folks told her she was dead ass wrong for not asking me to be apart of this wedding." One thing was VERY clear from the 3 hour rehearsal. This wedding was completely thrown together. But then again, it kinda has to be when you meet someone in January and marry them in July. It had no order. And they were leaving out parts of the vows. Not just the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part…..but other stuff. It was just very strange. What did I do? Help the wedding coordinator work out the kinks in the service and help with the logistics. I think I owed it to my dad not to have go through a completely ghetto service. By 9 PM, I was finally headed home. Long night ahead of me because messing around with an unplanned rehearsal and dinner caused me NOT to get my hair done.
Friday: I was just going along trying to get ready for the wedding. Trying to get my hair done, pick out my dress, get my makeup and shoes right. I learned early in life that even if you don't feel 100% about something, looking the part makes it that much easier. The diva in me was trying to get right, lol. I was out with my little brother just talking and chilling when my dad calls him about the rehearsal. I can hear him on the phone telling him that the rehearsal was at 6 and asking what time were we coming down. We? Excuse me, I am not going down there for a rehearsal. I am not in the wedding. There is no reason for me to be there if I'm not rehearsing for anything. My brother told him as much. Then he wants to get all mad and upset talking about the rehearsal dinner. If I'm not mistaken….isn't that for the people in the wedding? Never got married before, but all the weddings I've been in have followed that protocol. He sounded so hurt that I wasn't coming that I decided to go down there anyway. What could it hurt? I was only being a spectator. Well I get there and find out that I am being escorted in like they normally escort the mothers and grandmothers in. Weird, but I went along with it. In my mind I thought, "this is the concession F.S.M. made because too many folks told her she was dead ass wrong for not asking me to be apart of this wedding." One thing was VERY clear from the 3 hour rehearsal. This wedding was completely thrown together. But then again, it kinda has to be when you meet someone in January and marry them in July. It had no order. And they were leaving out parts of the vows. Not just the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part…..but other stuff. It was just very strange. What did I do? Help the wedding coordinator work out the kinks in the service and help with the logistics. I think I owed it to my dad not to have go through a completely ghetto service. By 9 PM, I was finally headed home. Long night ahead of me because messing around with an unplanned rehearsal and dinner caused me NOT to get my hair done.
The Wedding: I am habitually late to things that don't have anything to do with work. Can't help it. I'm my father's daughter. This time my brother stopped by the apartment beforehand to talk…..took an hour off my get ready time. So I'm freaking out. I end up being 10 minutes late to the wedding…….since I live 20 minutes away from the church. Damn. I felt so bad about that. Still feel guilty about it today to be perfectly honest. I know what you all are thinking…..but I wasn't late on purpose. I had a plan that got me there 30 minutes early. No dice. They said they were going to wait on me. But they didn't. By my estimates, when my brother told me they were waiting, the moment he hung up the phone they started. Because this was the most abbreviated wedding ceremony in the history of black folks weddings…..they were lighting the unity candle when I got there. I WAS TEN MINUTES LATE!! WHAT THE HELL? It made me sad. I felt like I let people down. BUT…..my other self that is trying to be more concerned about my own feelings was mad that my dad couldn't wait 10 minutes for his only daughter to get there. My brother told me that the words that came out of his mouth was "Is F.S.M. here? Well that's all that matters so we're gonna start." Took a chunk out of my heart. He decided to confront me after the wedding. That caused a scene. Boo Thang is the type that when he sees tears roll down my face, he's trying to figure whose ass needs to be kicked. He was fine until he heard my dad say and I quote "If it had been anything else you would have been on time. You've been against this since day one. I deserve to have somebody. I gave you her number to try to get to know her and if you don't like it, I don't care, you can just leave." Wow. And Boo Thang snapped. Hard. Don't even remember what all he said….just know that he did some heavy duty, in church cursing. Then my brother jumped in on my dad and more cursing ensued. I'm a little bit embarrassed…..but vindicated at the same time. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. But I do give my little brother and Boo Thang props for having my back. Haven't talked to my dad since. He caught me when I was leaving trying to hug me and tell me he loved me and was sorry…..but it wasn't his day so what could he do? I don't know, Daddy….that one you have to figure out on your own. I take the blame for some stuff….but in other things, I just can't help how I feel. People kept trying to make it seem like I have an issue with the marriage when what I really have an issue with is our relationship since he met that woman….I guess now I have to call her S.M. (sounds kinda dirty, lol).
What I did see from the wedding was that the matron of honor had on an identical dress to the bride…..tacky. No one else is supposed to wear white but the bride….and certainly not another wedding dress. The bridesmaids had on green cotton tops and gauchos. I don't need to say ANYTHING ELSE about that.
3 comments:
I thought things were getting better.. but you are right.. the whole thing was rushed and relationships are not built overnight. I am glad that your guys had your back. I would have to if I had been in earshot. I have no problems with getting ignorant on hallowed ground, being the disgrace church member that I am ...
I'm sorry that you had to go through such an upheaval. I kind of blame your brother for making you late. He has to know that we need forever to put our armor on...?
But give your dad and new stepmother some time to settle into their new relationship then reach out to try and smooth things over in that southern diva way that you have.
@Abe: Definitely not getting better. That's the reason why I moving to your neck of the woods at the end of the month. It was hilarious. You would have loved it!
@ConvertingME: I try not to place blame on him, lol. But I was like dang...you know I'm dressed! I am hesitant to reach out. But I know me. I will possibly try before I move.
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