I Hate The IRS....

Exactly!!!! (From homeschoolcpa.com)

Okay so I really don't hate the IRS. Being the procrastinator that I am, I waited til last night to file my tax returns. Found out that I actually OWE money. FEDERAL AND STATE. This sucks monkey balls. It's not much in the grand scheme of things...a total of $300, it just happens to be a huge inconvenience  Which is totally my fault. I tried to break even on my taxes and not get a refund and ended up staying tax exempt a little too long. Lesson learned!!! It's still hard not to be a little pissed. The older I get, the more I realized how much I get nickle and dimed for my paycheck. Then my commissions get taxed more than my base pay....THAT'S that ish I don't llike. 

I need to get a child or something.....LOL!!

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Tuesday Randoms

1. I know I haven't blogged in a LONG time! Still trying to get adjusted to working 8 hours and having a life after I clock out. It's the struggle. All That time being unemployed has greatly put me at a disadvantage. Did I say that the pay is absolutely friggin awesome?!?! I've never made this much money in one pay period in my entire life! I'm not even getting commision yet! I can also see how a person would get stuck there.....gotta make sure I remember what I'm here for.

2. If I've said it before, I've said it a million times.....I'M READY TO MOVE! Looking at my take home, we're set to go by the end of next month.

3. Relationships are ahrd....ESPECIALLY when you've been together for a long time. Communication seems to be a struggle. People get too comfortable. Troubled times have shown me that there is no one else that I'd rather go though this stuff with than Boo Thang. (Even though I'm sure we'd like to strangle each other sometimes!)

4. One day Daddy is in love with his wife, the next day I'm supposed to draw up his divorce papers (this is another post in itself). I've decided that I no longer want to be involved or kept abreast of the foolishness....because that is exactly what it is. Some folks need to grow the hell up.

Happy Tuesday!!

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30 Day Music Challenge: Day 20 - A Song You Listen To When You're Angry

Caught Out There - Kelis

This song allows me to express so much anger and pain!! Just the screams and anguish. It does a body good sometimes. Mostly it allows me to tire myself so that I'm too tired to be angry. Where is Kelis?

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Blissful Ignorance

Ignorance (or witlessness) is a state of being uninformed (lack of knowledge). The word ignorant is an adjective describing a person in the state of being unaware and is often used as an insult. -- Wikipedia

One of my gripes with my stepmother is that she refuses to let my dad be himself. My dad is one of those people who watches the news DAILY. I'm talking about morning and night. He also has subscriptions to many newspapers. He reads Black Enterprise, TIME, Reader's Digest, and a plethora of other magazines. In short, my dad is a guy that still has a thirst for knowledge at his age. This is a major issue for his wife. *blank stare* She thinks that he is wasting his time doing all that because none of those things has anything to do with him. *blank stare* When my dad told me this, I immediately placed her on the "basic bitch" list. (More things that I have learned from my brother have led me to believe that no amount of help will get her off this list, but I digress.) I thought that this mentality was based off the fact that she was older and has a small world mentality. I was wrong. More and more I find that this is more common than I thought....in MY age group and younger.

My parents raised me in manner that I think has benefited me over the years. The motto of the house was: "If you don't know something, look it up. There is no excuse to be ignorant." My dad encouraged reading, so there was never a shortage of newspapers, books, encyclopedias and magazines in our house. My mother was an interactive learner, so anytime we expressed interest in something, she bought everything National Geographic video on the subject. My brother took an interest in Pearl Harbor and the whole house became World War II enthusiasts (helped me out in history classes throughout my life!). I took an interest in space and the whole house was able to name all the Lucky 7 astronauts and when they took off on the first Apollo missions. But I get that everyone was not as lucky to have parents like mine.

There is a common trend that being ignorant to the happenings of the world is okay as long as it's not directly affecting them. Then those same people get upset when other people around them follow what's going on in the world. I think it's crazy to be that way, but I don't get mad people for it. I just don't get too close to you because I enjoy rational conversations on a regular basis. There is only so often that I can talk to someone on a subject (usually that they initiate), realize they know absolutely nothing on it, and try to prevent attacks on my character because I actually read up on it. As technology grows, I am amazed at how it's being misused. You go on Facebook, Twitter, and MediaTakeOut to find out "news" and spread it. Then get mad at me because I tell you it's false. There is a such thing as Google....you're on the internet all day anyway. *in my Everest College commercial voice* If you don't like some of things that the media reports, be selective and not buy into all of it. That doesn't mean that media is bullshit or that everyone else is crazy. We all just have preferences.

It's time out for people preferring to know nothing because it suits them. At least if you plan to be willfully ignorant, don't be mad at me because I like to find these things out. As my dad said, there really is no excuse.

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The Shit You Say!

The more I travel through life and as I get older, I realize that people will say damn near anything to you and think it's okay. Over the past couple of months, I have noticed that Boo Thing and I have endured what I feel like is verbal warfare! Maybe that's how they do things in down here, but where I come from, some of the things that people let roll so freely from their tongues is grounds to get that head beat to the white meat  get cursed out. When people say things to me that I feel are ridiculous or ludicrous, my general response is "the shit you say!!" 

Example: Friend: Girl, did you hear that Diddy was a part of the Illuminati and sacrificed Biggie so that he could get famous. Me: *side eye* The shit you say! (I have to work on my profanity at some point.)

I have tried to laugh it off with the person (since obviously laughter from the speaker means that I shouldn't get upset *sarcasm*). I have tried the blank stare and silence method (which prompts people to keep going to get a response). My next method is going to be the snap back method, which I happen to be very good at. Boo Thang chooses the blank stare and silence method over all else because.....well to put it nicely, Boo Thang's verbal jabs are the equivalent to a fatality in Mortal Combat. They are hilarious to me, but it hurts other folks feelings, so he chooses not to.

Here are some examples on the lovely game of The Shit You Say:

• Why are you coming outside looking like a drag queen? When is this EVER something that you say to a woman? To her face? Now it would have been a different story if I had on outlandish clothes and a ton of makeup. I was wearing jeans, t-shirt, an Ole Miss hoodie, and a pair of Clarks Wallabees (that are least 6 years old at this point). My hair was in a wrap with that little mesh holder thingy. My point is....I WAS SLUMMING IT. Now if you want to tell me that a lady should leave the house looking better than that, fine. If you want to say I look too dressed down, fine. But a drag queen? Get cussed out. 
• I don't know why you sitting around doing nothing and not trying to take the bar exam again. First of all, the fact that you know I am not going to a 9 to 5 every day doesn't give you the license to assume what the hell I do with my time on a daily basis. Since you're so concerned about my career, go on ahead and give me $550 for the exam fees and the $1900 for the prep classes. Can't do that? Sounds like you need to find you some business then, huh? 
• Every time I see you, looks like you are getting bigger and bigger. Too easy. When you go from a size 26 to a 0 Jennifer Hudson style, only THEN may you comment on my weight. Until then, you need to get your fat ass out here and walk 3 miles a day with me. 
• You must be content to let Boo Thang make all the money? When our monetary decisions start to affect you, then you ask me these questions?

I try to be nice, but folks make it hard. 

Have you experienced this? Are people too quick to overstep their boundaries with you? Let's discuss!

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That's Not My Stepmother.....That's My Dad's Wife

Since my dad got married in July, I have decided that I would stay out of that situation. There is nothing that I can do or say....so I leave it alone. The fact that I was moving that next month as the perfect scenario for it all. They could have their rushed marriage and I wouldn't have to witness it. Seems like the more I try to stay out of it, the more I hear crap about it. I have more than a few gripes with her.

1. The honeymoon phase is over. 

SERIOUSLY?!?!? These folks have been married for 5 months. This has got to be the shortest honeymoon phase that I have ever seen. It's not like they have been together for a long time. Hell they just met in January. This January. Of 2011. Every time I talk to my dad on the phone, he's in the doghouse for this, that, or the other thing. This just makes me sound like a genius when I asked what the rush was. She was all infatuated with his ass while they were dating, but now she apparently doesn't like the man that my dad is. *side eye* She doesn't like that he talks a lot to people. My dad will talk to a tree....that's the kinda guy he is. He never meets a stranger. Let me be the first to say that MY MOTHER loved him for who he was. Talking too damn much and all. She doesn't know why he likes to watch the news so much because that stuff doesn't have anything to do with him. *record scratch* Why the hell are you 44 years old saying stupid shit like that thinking that things that happen in the world around you don't impact you? She has GOT to be the simplest person I have ever met. 

2. She is very insecure.

She doesn't like for my dad to have any interactions with people of the opposite sex. NONE. No women should call him on the phone for any reason. He shouldn't look at other women (as if he lived in a world where only she lived). My dad is a shade tree mechanic in his spare time. He can't even work on cars that are owned by women, unless they belong to her. *sighs*

3. She has a problem with him giving any financial help to his children. 

Now THIS one is the one that grinds my gears. She is financially irresponsible.....a new development since they've been together. She has been used to taking care of all the bills for her own house (which he lives now). Apparently he's responsible for taking care of everything while she goes out to buy $300 Coach purses. He is also supposed to take care of her 2 children that live there too. But when his own children need something, that becomes a problem. She has said that I wasn't raised right because I live with a man who isn't married. I almost went to jail over that statement. This was spoken from a woman who has two children with two different fathers and my dad is her FIRST husband. *sighs* I'm a daddy's girl, even with all this mess. My dad has my back without me having to ask....so if I need help of any type, he will be there. She actually got snapped on for this comment. 

For these reasons, that bitch is not my stepmother...she's my dad's wife. A stepmother gets in there and at least TRIES to get to know her stepchildren. She gets in there with my brother but she tries to isolate me. She knows that I am not down with the bullshit. I don't fake the funk with anybody, especially not with anybody that I don't think will stick around long. She doesn't think I know all of this stuff. I let her live Thanksgiving, but Christmas.....stay tuned. She has used all three of her strikes up with me.....I wonder if she knows it.....

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A Change In CIrcumstances

Sometimes I feel like when it rains, it pours. I have been extra pouty over the last couple of days because every time something seems to look up in my life, it somehow takes an extra turn and goes a little sour for me. I am one of those people that is a little afraid to get excited about certain things because I don't want to be disappointed later on. So here's what's been going on.

1. The start date of my new job has been delayed until January 23rd. I was told that it was delayed because even though they have me in the system they have not started on my background check as of November 14th....the date that I was supposed to start. This is extra irritating to me because I have been on the phone with those people back and forth since I got hired. I've been breaking my neck trying to find old W2s and checkstubs (which proved to be hard because we have moved and still haven't found a new place for important documents to go) to fax in to them. I think that if I am being prompt then as a business you should be too. I feel really bad about this because Boo Thang has since picked up a second job. Mind you he did this because he wanted to have extra Christmas money, but it LOOKS like he's slaving away while I am at home doing nothing (at least this is what I heard it looks like *rolls eyes*). I was looking forward to this job because it means that we could get our own place really soon.....but it looks like that dream is deferred.
2. My computer crashed. It has EVERYTHING on it. Plus it was my best mode of entertainment thus far. Bye, HP.....it's been fun.
3. My dad is depressed because it doesn't seem like his marriage is working.....after 4 months and 15 days. I told him that shit was not going to work back in June sympathize with him just a little bit. That's my daddy. He really is good people....too good to be mistreated by an immature, insecure golddigger.
4. Boo Thang and I need our own place. ASAP. I am starting not to feel like an adult anymore and this is a SERIOUS problem for me as I have always been a pretty independent person.

So these are my gripes. They are all workable....but sometimes it just feels good to pout about it, listen to slow jams and drink wine.
I feel

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And The Push For A Wedding Begins.....

While Boo Thang and I were living in Oxford, we had a good bit of pressure from my extended family to go on ahead and get married. Most of it came from the fact that we were living together. My family is really old fashioned in that way. My pastor at the time even sat us both down when my mom went into hospice care and told us how we needed to get married before my mom died. My mom was NOT going!!! She really didn't want us to rush things because of her and gave Jay her blessing for whenever we were ready. We decided at that point that we would work at our own pace and not let outside pressure influence us. We were under the impression that our move closer to his family would erase that element from our relationship. WRONG!!!! 

Boo Thang has a second cousin who has been deemed nuttier than squirrel shit is a little on the strange side. Apparently this woman (who I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet) and Boo Thang's mama have been communicating on the phone a pretty good bit about me, him and our relationship track. One day after we had been out all day, there was a BIG package waiting at home for me. I opened it up to reveal a box that says David's Bridal on the front. In my mind I'm going "please don't let this be a dress, please don't let this be a dress!" It's a wedding dress. *sighs* Inside the dress box is a letter that reads:

Dear Kat,

This is [name omitted]. I know that you don't know me but I have heard a lot about you and your relationship with Boo Thang. I want to do something to help you guys out. The Lord led me to pick out this wedding dress for you. I felt the spirit of your mother and grandmother leading me to this particular dress and I know that they are pleased and smiling down on you. This is my gift to you, you don't owe me anything….BUT you have to use this dress by November 17th! I am excited to attend your upcoming wedding.

Love,

[Name Omitted]

WTF?!?! WHO BUYS A WOMAN A WEDDING DRESS?!?!?!?! Furthermore who buys someone a dress with stipulations. My natural reaction to that letter was to laugh. Boo Thang's was to snap off….hard. He said, "she means November 17th….of this year….as in next month? Oh hell naw!!" To add insult to injury, this dress is hideous not the wedding dress for me. It doesn't fit and Boo Thang has seen me in it. So even if I liked it, I couldn't use it. I'm superstitious like that. He's slightly pissed at his mom for not stopping this in it’s tracks. My thoughts are "dang…here we go again!"

With me getting a job (still turning cartwheels over that) we are closer to that. We refused to get married still having to ask our parents for basic living needs….or still living in his mom's house. People don't seem to understand exactly what our plans are. We are heading that way….but can we PLEASE make some money. What I want to say to all parties involved is:

IF YOU WANT US TO GET MARRIED SO BAD, PAY FOR IT!!!!! I AM NOT HAVING A COURTHOUSE WEDDING…..so do you still want us to rush now? Thought so. Oh and that down payment on a new place….we're gonna need that too. *rolls eyes* 

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A Self Hating Black Person....?

Yesterday Jackson State University played Texas Southern University on ESPNU. Even living down here in the area, I decided to watch the game on TV rather than actually go to Veterans Memorial Stadium to watch it. You want to know why I didn't go? I didn't go because I like football. I don't think it makes good sense to pay any amount of money to watch mediocre SWAC football just to wait until halftime to see the bands play. This is why I make it my business to go to Atlanta every January to see the Honda Battle of the Bands (….that and to catch up with my Sigma Alpha Iota and Phi Mu Alpha family). While watching the game on TV, I realized that JSU isn't really all that good a football team. It's just that Texas Southern was so……BAD. I'm talking three fumbled punts by TxSouthern leading to three JSU touchdowns bad.
 
I said as much on Twitter….because I say whatever I'm feeling on Twitter. A lot of people on my timeline have stated previously that the integration of colleges is what led to black college football being so bad. I said, "you can't really expect top tier athletes to go into subpar programs just because they're black and this is a black school." Period. Point blank. Here is where the Twitter madness began.
 
"Catch 22. Top athletes go to other schools for the tv EXPOSURE. Dream=NFL."
 
To this I replied, "Great athletes come out of the MEAC all the time. They get their dreams fulfilled without the major TV exposure. You need a quality program first." Which is the truth.
 
"Only been a hs #guidance coun for 14 yrs, watched 5 AfAm go to NFL while 500 played in college. All 5 went to SEC D1 sch."
 
This one was a little easier to combat. I replied, "Sorry your experience led you see more than that. I'm a football enthusiast and can name more than 5 blacks from HBCU's that went to the league from last year's draft class. " There were 4 players that were drafted from HBCUs: Johnny Culbreath, South Carolina St.; Frank Kearse, Alabama A&M; Curtis Holcomb, FAMU; Kenrick Ellis, Hampton. Not only were these four drafted but TWENTY-FOUR MORE were signed as undrafted free agents as soon as the lockout ended. So miss me with that. I think I made her mad because I got these series of tweets.
 
"Sounds like you know ur ppl, but they don't know you. Prolly tv. Typical crabs in a bucket put'n down SWAC. B blezd. Self hate is the worst hate. I'm 2 pro-black 2 put any HBCU down. That's just me. Get there 1 day. Keep tryin."
 
This is when I logged out for the night. I'm a self hating black person because I don't like SWAC football. Are you serious?! How many people actually go to the game to WATCH THE GAME? Not very many. It's a band field show and a social event where football is played in the background. My parents both went to Alcorn State University. I've been to enough SWAC games in my life to figure that out. What do guys call it when a team is playing football and gets beat by three touchdowns? Give up? They call it GETTING SWAC'D! I wasn't putting down the schools. I just think the football is bad. That's my opinion. I'm entitled to that. What I need all these "pro-black" people to do is research and speak with knowledge about things they claim to love so dearly. I want them to stop getting so mad about other people's opinions that they do a smoke and mirrors routine to cover up their ignorance.
 
I am a black woman. I know where I come from. I graduated from the University of Mississippi and learned more about my skin color than I ever could have imagined. Get over yourself. Learn to see something past skin color. I also don't care for Ole Miss football and think that maybe we should join Conference USA…..but you didn't ask that…did you? For me to be such a self hating black person, I surely knew more about these young black men than she did. I go out of my way to know these things. I don't rest on a degree from a particular college or living in particular neighborhood to give me my blackness. I live in it everyday. That was not my first time hearing that….I'm sure it won't be my last.
 

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Is It A Crime To Disagree?

Today I was reading my daily devotional Bible reading plan, which I absolutely love because it keeps me in the word every day…..not just on Sundays. (If I restricted my faith to Sundays, I wouldn't have any because my church going is VERY irregular) Today's passage was:

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT

Have you ever tried to argue in a whisper? It is equally hard to argue with someone who insists on answering gently. On the other hand, a rising voice and harsh words almost always trigger an angry response. To turn away wrath and seek peace, choose gentle words.

This stuck with me because last week was a very argumentative week for me to say the least. Boo Thang and I have been having the dumbest of arguments lately. I think the change of scenery, slight stress, and new living situation has us biting at each other a little bit. We're fine (can't let the night slip away before we make things right), but I've noticed that we are some loud arguers, lol. Gentle answers are something that we both need to work on. He gets loud, I get louder….and the next thing we know we're wondering why the other is screaming. Which always breaks the argument into laughter (we're odd). But an argument or two in a relationship is to be expected.

This devotion REALLY stuck with me because of my "arguments" on social networks. I enjoy intelligent discussions and debates. They are my life force. I am the type of person that has to get my point across. If I don't agree with you, I will tell you why and back it up with all the reasons why. Blame it on law school….but I love to go back and forth with people. Who knows? You talk a good enough game and I just might change my mind.

What irritates me are those people that have ideals and thoughts about particular things with basis or backing. When you ask them why they believe that, they have a shaky explanation. When you tell the reason you believe the opposite, they get upset. *side eye* Is it a crime to disagree nowadays? A lot of people on social networks (well…..life in general)are under the assumption that if you think differently from them that you hate them and everything you say is wrong. I had a Twitter discussion earlier this week about The Help with a follower (why I did this to myself for the 3rd time is BEYOND ME). He said that he neither read the book nor saw the movie and wasn't planning on doing either. Then proceeds to talk about it. I said, "I really can't get on board with anything you're saying because you aren't able to speak intelligently about the subject." From here, I was accused of insulting his character and integrity. Was that "harsh words to make a temper flare?" I regularly get into these debates with the same end result. *sighs* What I have come to realize is that people don't like to be challenged. While I enjoy this mental stimulation, others are content where they are. I have vowed to stay away from these debates with people I don't know very well. It's a headache.

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Can Beyonce' Catch A Break?

It's summer time so you know what that means…….BEYONCE'S BACK!!!!!! Now I'm going to make a confession. I'm a bit of a Beyonce stan. I love almost everything that she does. I love her messages of female empowerment. I love how she creates trends. I love how she is a female force that doesn't back down in the presence of men. Oh yea….I love her music too. I also love the fact that every summer she does something that forces my fluffy ass back in the gym to lose my winter weight and that her music is a great workout soundtrack.

Somehow, Beyonce seems to catch heavy scrutiny any time she does anything. And the scrutiny usually comes from other women (big surprise here). I was lingering around YouTube and found this video. 

First of all let me say that I like Nineteen Percent. Her vlogs and way of delivery are hilarious to me while saying a lot of things that other people just think about. However, I feel like she missed the ball with this one. These statistics and facts that she spouted off in this particular vlog are things that I think women should be aware of. By all means get the word out about discriminatory salary practices among genders in the workplace, sexual harassment, domestic violence, female infanticide in other countries, rape, and the all too common objectification of women. Women need to know what they are up against to be better activists. This video just goes about it the wrong way. She just complaining a lot. It's one thing to be aware of the many issues facing women. It's totally another thing just spout out a bunch of information with no solutions on how to fix it. AND it's a whole OTHER thing to blame these problems on another woman.

How is Beyonce a liar when it comes to this song? Is it so wrong to have a female empowerment anthem? Granted, I think this song is crap, but it doesn’t make me that angry. I never think that it is a bad idea to have little girls everywhere thinking that they can do anything and be anything that they want to be. The way to ensure that women will never transcend the station they are in life is to spout off a bunch of negative information at them and to discard any ounce of a positive message. Let's try this on for size. Let Beyonce do the entertaining and all of us caring women should do our part to help the younger generation not face the issues that prompted Nineteen Percent to call Beyonce out in the first place.

What do you think? Are songs like Beyonce's Run The World presenting an impossible message to young ladies?

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The Wedding - Drama Edition

So my dad got married this past Saturday. *throws confetti* As much as I was trying to be supportive and go along with this whole match made in heaven  wedded bliss  thing, deep down inside I felt like I was just lying. And I was gonna keep on lying if that made my dad feel good. What else do you do for your parents? Hope for the best, right? Well….it wasn't quite that way.

Friday: I was just going along trying to get ready for the wedding. Trying to get my hair done, pick out my dress, get my makeup and shoes right. I learned early in life that even if you don't feel 100% about something, looking the part makes it that much easier. The diva in me was trying to get right, lol. I was out with my little brother just talking and chilling when my dad calls him about the rehearsal. I can hear him on the phone telling him that the rehearsal was at 6 and asking what time were we coming down. We? Excuse me, I am not going down there for a rehearsal. I am not in the wedding. There is no reason for me to be there if I'm not rehearsing for anything. My brother told him as much. Then he wants to get all mad and upset talking about the rehearsal dinner. If I'm not mistaken….isn't that for the people in the wedding? Never got married before, but all the weddings I've been in have followed that protocol. He sounded so hurt that I wasn't coming that I decided to go down there anyway. What could it hurt? I was only being a spectator. Well I get there and find out that I am being escorted in like they normally escort the mothers and grandmothers in. Weird, but I went along with it. In my mind I thought, "this is the concession F.S.M. made because too many folks told her she was dead ass wrong for not asking me to be apart of this wedding." One thing was VERY clear from the 3 hour rehearsal. This wedding was completely thrown together. But then again, it kinda has to be when you meet someone in January and marry them in July. It had no order. And they were leaving out parts of the vows. Not just the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part…..but other stuff. It was just very strange. What did I do? Help the wedding coordinator work out the kinks in the service and help with the logistics. I think I owed it to my dad not to have go through a completely ghetto service. By 9 PM, I was finally headed home. Long night ahead of me because messing around with an unplanned rehearsal and dinner caused me NOT to get my hair done.

The Wedding: I am habitually late to things that don't have anything to do with work. Can't help it. I'm my father's daughter. This time my brother stopped by the apartment beforehand to talk…..took an hour off my get ready time. So I'm freaking out. I end up being 10 minutes late to the wedding…….since I live 20 minutes away from the church. Damn. I felt so bad about that. Still feel guilty about it today to be perfectly honest. I know what you all are thinking…..but I wasn't late on purpose. I had a plan that got me there 30 minutes early. No dice. They said they were going to wait on me. But they didn't. By my estimates, when my brother told me they were waiting, the moment he hung up the phone they started. Because this was the most abbreviated wedding ceremony in the history of black folks weddings…..they were lighting the unity candle when I got there. I WAS TEN MINUTES LATE!! WHAT THE HELL? It made me sad. I felt like I let people down. BUT…..my other self that is trying to be more concerned about my own feelings was mad that my dad couldn't wait 10 minutes for his only daughter to get there.  My brother told me that the words that came out of his mouth was "Is F.S.M. here? Well that's all that matters so we're gonna start." Took a chunk out of my heart. He decided to confront me after the wedding. That caused a scene. Boo Thang is the type that when he sees tears roll down my face, he's trying to figure whose ass needs to be kicked. He was fine until he heard my dad say and I quote "If it had been anything else you would have been on time. You've been against this since day one. I deserve to have somebody. I gave you her number to try to get to know her and if you don't like it, I don't care, you can just leave." Wow. And Boo Thang snapped. Hard. Don't even remember what all he said….just know that he did some heavy duty, in church cursing. Then my brother jumped in on my dad and more cursing ensued. I'm a little bit embarrassed…..but vindicated at the same time. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. But I do give my little brother and Boo Thang props for having my back. Haven't talked to my dad since. He caught me when I was leaving trying to hug me and tell me he loved me and was sorry…..but it wasn't his day so what could he do? I don't know, Daddy….that one you have to figure out on your own. I take the blame for some stuff….but in other things, I just can't help how I feel. People kept trying to make it  seem like I have an issue with the marriage when what I really have an issue with is our relationship since he met that woman….I guess now I have to call her S.M. (sounds kinda dirty, lol).

What I did see from the wedding was that the matron of honor had on an identical dress to the bride…..tacky. No one else is supposed to wear white but the bride….and certainly not another wedding dress. The bridesmaids had on green cotton tops and gauchos. I don't need to say ANYTHING ELSE about that.

  

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Grin And Bear It?

My dad is getting remarried on July 2nd.

I have known this little tidbit of information since April, but in my mind I just thought that it wasn't going to happen. I have no problem with my dad dating. I could tell that he was getting lonely. Who could blame him? If I were married to someone for 28 years and they died, I would have an issue with loneliness myself. So when he met F.S.M. (future stepmother) back in January, I said go forth and prosper. My baby brother (total mama's boy) pitched the biggest fit about them even dating. He didn't like it, didn't stand for it. I had to log what seemed like hundreds of man hours on the phone with him to get him to realize that Daddy dating is probably a good thing. My brother was stuck on the fact that Mama hadn't even been gone but 7 months.  They had been dating a month before I met her. It was a casual meeting in Walmart of all places. You can't really tell a lot about a person in 30 minutes or so. What I did see was that she had him smiling, laughing, and giggling like a young person (which if you my dad….is strange in itself). So she was okay with me for the most part. My brother, however, was not accepting her AT ALL.

Fast forward to April. My dad and I are riding in my car to Grenada on a Spain's run (All North Mississippians know about the discount meat, lol). My feelings toward my dad at that moment were very soft and fragile. Since my dad had been dating, I haven't seen or heard from him very much. Calls to him left unanswered, text messages where voices used to be. I wanted to use that time to tell him how much I missed him and figure out what the hell was going on. Then we passed by this building and he announces, "that's the building where me and F.S.M.'s reception is going to be. Did I tell you I was getting married?" HELL NO YOU DIDN'T TELL ME AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DIDN'T!!! That was my inside reaction. So my response was, "wow really? When?" To which he replied, "July 2nd. We've been engaged since February." SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR. It didn't make any sense to me. The first anniversary of my mom's death is June 15 and you mean to tell me you are ready to get married less than a month after that? But what I said was, "why so soon?" The reaction that I got from him was "because I'm grown and I don't need to be with someone 5 years to know whether or not I want to be with them!" Wow, Daddy. An overreaction and a knock to my life all in the same blow (he was off because me and Boo Thang have only been together 4 years, but whatever). I didn't like it then, but I said my congratulations. I told him that we all needed to get together with F.S.M. because I don't even know her and she's about to become a part of my family. I hadn't even seen her since we met the first time in January.

Two weeks passed until we got together for dinner. I brought Boo Thang for reinforcements. He knows when I am about to go off before I do, so he works perfectly in what could be heated discussions. F.S.M. was upset that I even asked why they were rushing. She told me that the reason I hadn't spent time with her was my fault and so was the relationship with my dad. Pump your brakes, bitch I don't even know! I told her I didn't have anything against her I just didn't know her and she was marrying my dad. Obviously this put me off. My dad was silent listening to me and her dialogue…..looking sad, not saying a word. Needless to say, I have only heard my dad's voice twice since then. Yea, I know it's June.

Yesterday would have been my mom and dad's 29th wedding anniversary. Talked to my dad and he was torn up about it. Does that sound like a man ready to get married in less than a month to you? Me either. I didn't say anything about it when we talked, but I feel like I must say something soon. As for F.S.M……no attempts to get to know me. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but she is supposed to come to me. She's trying to get in my family, NOT vice versa. My brother is in the wedding. No one asked me to even participate, though my dad really wants me to be there. I feel like I am being shut out and don't really know why. I guess I should just grin and bear it, but how?

HELP!!! Is this how I'm supposed to feel? Am I really doing something wrong?

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And Mother's Day Starts My Vacation.......

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was the first Mother's Day that I have spent without my mom. It made me think back to last year. Mother's Day Weekend 2010 was when I realized that my mom was sicker than she was telling me she was. A month later she was gone. I didn't know how yesterday was going to affect me….but I woke up and was fine. I had plans on watching church service (my favorite church UStreams), going to the cemetery to place flowers at my mother's grave and then going to eat dinner with my Granny. This is NOT how the day went.


Missed church altogether because I overslept. That didn't bother me too much because I have been really stressed and tired lately. This was my body's way of telling me to take better care of myself. Got woken out of my sleep by my grandmother telling me that she wasn't feeling well and that she might have a stomach virus. She said that she still wanted me to come and eat because she cooked dinner. Now I love my granny to death, but she out of all people knows that I have a VERY sensitive system and if I breathe the air of a virus, I am likely to get sick. I immediately went to take a cod liver oil pill, a multivitamin and drink a glass of orange juice (like that was going to anything for a stomach virus….but I prayed about it). In the midst of me getting ready for the day, my brother starts blowing up my phone. This immediately starts me off on the wrong foot. Anytime we are set to anything together, he start blowing my phone up. "Where you at?" "You ready?" "How long until you get ready?" "What time you leaving?" Well, if you would get calling and texting me fiddy-leven times, MAYBE I could get some shit done. Whenever I feel rushed, my blood pressure goes up a bit. Then my grandmother calls back (an hour and a half after I spoke with her the first time) mad as hell that I'm not already down there (regardless that it takes almost an hour to get there) and cussed me out saying that she was going to the doctor.……hangs up in my face and everything. Now this was not the way that the day was supposed to happen. In an hour and a half I am exhausted as hell. So I got back in the bed. My mind went, "skip the dinner, skip the cemetery, get back in the PJs and watch a Madea movie." And that's what I TRIED to do. Then my brother calls again (for the fiddy-thirteenth time) saying that my granny was at the ER. 8 hours later, the diagnosis is that she let her blood sugar get too low and got dehydrated. My guess is that Mother's Day really did take it's toll on her because she was missing my mom too. Glad Granny is okay. Though she didn't make it easy on any doctor or nurse. She had one nurse thinking she was feeble!! My granny is the most active old person I've ever met! She stayed a whole lot longer than was necessary because she wouldn't let those people do their jobs. If my expression could talk, everyone got an "Are you f***ing serious?!" look. But a lot of things have to change from today forward.

I don't feel like anyone in my immediate family respects my time, my feelings, my life, or my sanity. I love them and I know that this has been a rough almost year…..but we gotta get back down to some order in some form or fashion. I can't DO everything. I can't BE everywhere. I spent all day, as I have spent the majority of the last year looking out for everyone else's needs. I don't even get a thank you. Just "it's what you were supposed to do" or "what else were you going to be doing." I have prayed about it because I don't want to just leave them high and dry….but I do need a little peace. I need to be free from drama for more than a few hours at a time. I need for everything to calm down. Every issue is NOT a DefCon 5 situation! So my phone has been off and in my underwear drawer all day. In case of a real emergency, they have the boo thing's number and I know they won't call that for any minor stuff. I'm on strike.

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It's Time Out For Fake Revolutionaries

Last night while I was watching an episode of Mob Wives (…what? Like you've never watched programming that has dropped your IQ a point or two.), I got a Twitter alert that Obama was going to address the nation. I looked at the clock (9:35 P.M. local time) and was immediately nervous. Then Twitter broke the news first…..they finally killed Osama Bin Laden. IT TOOK LONG ENOUGH!!! I chuckled at the irony that the announcement was made on the 8th anniversary of George W's "Mission Accomplished" speech. Twitter is always a crazy place to be when things like this happen. You get celebrations, amateur political commentary, and jokes. I must say that I love the jokes the most.

What I don't particularly care for is the faction of Twitter I love to call "fake revolutionaries." These people are never happy when it comes to anything about the government, politics, social culture……ANYTHING. However I noticed that they never seem to surface until there is something that creates a buzz. These are just a few of the quotes that were taken from my timeline:

"Osama is dead. Police brutality finally has no reason to exist."

"Yay, Osama is dead. Who needs health care? #missionaccomplished"

"Now the US public education system will prepare our children for the global job market since Bin Laden is dead. o_0"

"I hope people know that just because they got Bin Laden doesn't mean terrorism is over."

Well…..thanks for killing my elation that the military achieved a 10 year old mission. Forgive me for being glued to the TV because there is a little bit of justice right now for some 9/11 families. The thing that kills me is that out of those 4 things that were said above, three of them only need a little bit of community and national activism. I don't see these people out there doing anything of relevance except complaining. Is that what social networking has become? A place to gripe and complain. I guess folks figure that as long as they are actively complaining that they don't have to do any of the ground work ourselves. It's time out for fake revolutionaries. Be about the change that you seek. Actively work for those things. Mad about police brutality. Do something about it. Mad about health care? Lobby your congressmen. Worried about public education? Volunteer in your local schools, join the PTA, and do us all a favor and actually raise your children. The point is stop hiding behind the computer screen…..no one really hears you.

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