Frenemies: How Many Of Us Have Them?

I have written this blog post many times and put it back on the shelf (the shelf being my One Note blog notebook). Every time I sit on a decide not to post it, I get more to post about on the subject. So I figured why the hell not post it.

A frenemy is defined as "someone who is both friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust."

Personally I can't stand these types of "friends." With the personality that I have, I am quick to cut people off when I think they have wronged me. Fake friends (that's the only thing frenemies are in my mind) are the first to go. PERIOD. It's okay to deal with these kinds of people when you are in high school. That's where these people live….and should stay. I thought that I wouldn't have to deal with these people post undergrad. Boy was I mistaken. As I've gotten older, I have taken some serious inventories of my life. There are people that I still hold close to me that haven't deserved a place there in a long time. Now I know that friends have issues and fights all the time….then kiss and make up. But there are people that I have been looking at with the severe side eye trying to figure out why in the hell they still matter.

#1: The "always desperately needy, but constantly missing in action" friend

Me and Number One have been friends since my sophomore year at Ole Miss. We were fast friends and things were really cool between us. She experienced some really trying times during the height of our friendship. It was during these times that the friendship got more and more one sided. I wasn't upset about it. Losing your mother and grandmother in the span of one year is pretty tough. Then it became "can I borrow [insert cash amounts here]?" and "can you take me here though my boyfriend lives with me, has a car, and won't?" I felt like I was doing this (which I would have done regardless) but whenever I needed someone to lean on….I got the crickets and the voicemail. She had to transfer to a school closer to home my first year in law school. We lost touch for about 3 years. We reconnected and I was happy to try to rekindle that relationship. I thought that enough time had passed for it to be a little different. We live about 20 minutes away from each other right now. When I told her I was moving to her area, she was excited. I called as soon as I got settled in to go out to lunch. What I got was, "can I borrow $20 dollars for gas until next week?" NEXT!!! My friends know what my money situation is like. My REAL friends would have at least caught up first before they asked me for money. Some things never change.

#2: The "I need a gaggle of female groupies" friend

I am a pretty quiet and shy person…..when I first get to know you. I'm pretty reserved til I can feel you out. But once you get to know me, you understand that I am anything but. Yet friend Number Two thought I was some kind of quiet flunkie. She was happy hogging up all the spotlight and attention in law school…..until she realized that her little flunkie (me) was the more likeable person. Then she did everything to try to make sure people hated me. Huh? NEXT! She still pretends to be my friend now, but I guess it's kind of tough to keep up a façade when Facebook wall posts go ignored.

#3: The "ultra-competitive" friend

This friend really wants to be you. They are actually okay to be around until there is a situation where you outshine them, have more knowledge than them on a subject, or are generally being something that they want to be. Most times you don't really notice it. I have had situations that no matter what the topic of conversation is they want to negate everything you're saying. Even when that stuff is wrong as two left shoes. I'm talking about how great Charming Charlie's is but she wants to make sure that nobody goes there because Icing and Claire's are still hot. I don't get it. NEXT!!

I'm 28 years old. The time for these people have come and gone in my life. I have culled my friend's list so that it looks more like Waiting to Exhale than Basketball Wives. I deserve to have people who care about me the way I care about them. That list went down to 4 last week. I like it.

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First Steps

I have moved!!! YES!!!!

The past month has been a flurry of packing, moving and getting things in order to move. I intentionally stopped blogging so that I can get into a less busy head space. I am officially a resident of Madison County….and that feels pretty good. Around my last couple of days left in Oxford, I realized  that I have lived in Oxford for the past 10 years. I moved into Crosby Hall at Ole Miss on June 27, 2001. That was the beginning of the second summer session before my freshman year. I never left. Something about Oxford connected with me. I guess that was because my hometown is the size of a small village. Anything that was a little bigger was better for me. Went to undergrad there. Went to law school there. Then started spinning my wheels there. Great town for a student…..not that great for anyone else there.

I've been here almost 3 weeks and it is still kinda weird to call anywhere else home. These are familiar surroundings but I've only visited. I am still trying to get out and bump around to make myself more at home. The job search has also began. I may have a job next week….but that is the subject for another post if and when I get the job.

There is also a change with Boo Thang and I. Over the past few days, he has been the most affectionate guy. I have the urge to just reach out and ask him what he did, lol. He's excited that he got to take me home with him. Can't be mad at that. We were stuck in a little rut and the change of scenery has done us good….in 3 weeks lol. 

HOWEVER (and what is a happy post without a "but") I am SO ready to move, lol. We are staying with Boo Thang's mother and stepdad until we save enough money to move out. I feel like that we have instantly stepped into the role of children. I love his mother to death, but it is so obvious that the absence of children has her happy that we are there. I don't have any problems, but Boo Thang is seriously annoyed. When he's annoyed, I'm annoyed. (It just happens like that sometimes.) I haven't lived at home with my parents for more than a summer in the past ten years, so I understand how much of a culture shock this is for him. All the more reason to get on up, get it together and move on out. It's going to work itself out though....or y'all will hear about it. 

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Oh Granny....

Who doesn't love their grandmother? I do!! She can cook her ass off, was great for the weekend getaway when I was tired of my parents and she's sweet as pie. Since my mom died last year, Ms. Grandma (yes, that's what I call her) has been abnormally clingy. Since my mom is her daughter and we are the only grandkids that still live in state (and only an hour away), I didn't mind that she wanted to see more of us. That was until my visits became not enough. Since Mother's Day, I've been on strike until I get some kind of inkling that my feelings are being respected and taken into account. Not to mention that my days are pretty full with looking for a job, coordinating a move and just trying to regain a sense of normalcy, and trying to get my car fixed. I just really haven't felt like being bothered. I know that's kinda awful. I feel bad about it….a little bit.

Last night, Ms. Grandma calls me and the tone is harsh from the first hello. No "hey, how you doing" just "y'all just don't call me at all no more, huh?!" *sighs* I JUST TALKED TO HER a few days ago. This call was one to convince me not to move. As have the last few calls have been. That's the real reason she's angry. Every time we talk it's all the same "concerns" with a new one added in to just throw me off. It's quite irritating. Here are a few of the tactics:

"Why are you even moving way down there in the first place?" It's really only 2 1/2 hours, first off. I need to find a job ASAP. The job opportunities up here are non-existent for me unless I want to work at a factory. So I am going there for better networking, since all my colleagues are there and so I can have a better chance to get a job. I don't have any children or anything that's tying me here….so why not? (that always pisses her off)

"How do you know that Boo Thang's mama wants you to stay there?" As I have explained 1000 times, staying with his mom is temporary until a security deposit for a new place to stay is saved. Won't be there past October….and the end of the year is pushing it. Besides, she wanted me to come down there and stay with her by myself a year and a half ago because she thought I would find a better job down there….so this isn't much of a stretch.

"How do you know you're going to be able to even find a job down there?" Well, I can't do any worse down there than I'm doing up here, can I? (Way to go for the support, though)

"What is your brother going to do if you leave? I sure wish you would think about that and not leave him here by himself!!" Umm….you do know he is 22 years old right? He's not a baby and if people would quit having that attitude about the situation, everyone would be better off. He's a guy. He has to learn how to make it on his own at SOME point.

"Why are you running away?" (This is in reference to my dad getting married.) I'm not running away. This decision was made long before I even knew they were getting married. We are just moving south and not north like we originally planned for money's sake. Them getting married just made the decision all the more comforting.

To do this once a week is really exhausting. I love my Granny to death. I really do….but a little support is all I'm asking for. Can I get ONE thing? 

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