I Have Moved!!!!

I have been havng MAJOR issues with my blog....of the RSS variety. I can't fix the code. Nothing works and I'm tired of trying. So I moved. Follow me on over to the new spot.

http://southernlgldiva.wordpress.com

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Things Are Changing

Last night was the last night that I will work the second shift. *praise dances* It is a blessing sometimes to not have to go in til 12:15, but getting off after 9 at night was starting to get old. FAST. But I paid my dues. After 18 whole months, I finally get an 8:30 to 5:30 shift. It will be wonderful to get off work when the sun is still out. The only drawback is now I have to work on Saturdays. I am going to miss my old team. We were truly like a family. I bonded with that supervisor and that group of people more than I have with anyone else I have EVER worked with. Glad that I am taking one of my teammates with me. Makes the transition smoother. 

I am just happy to get some healthier eating habits. Eating large dinners at dang near 10 at night then going to bed has NOT been nice to my frame. I think my mental head space will be better in my relationship. We will go to work at the same time and get off....kinda around the same time. So we'll have more time to spend together. His sleep patterns are bad because he wants to be up when I'm up....but I'll be quick to sleep....and an argument happens. (Thank God I can eliminate that. When I'm sleepy, I go to sleep....Boo Thang, however....) This also sets it up very nicely for me to start bar prep classes in the spring. I can be off work and ready for night classes. 

I have been praying for this for a while so I am definitely thanking God for these changes. I hope they are for the best. 

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Wordless Wednesday 5-29-13

from arthlete.tumblr.com

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In Search of Fulfillment

Last Monday was my first day back at work after my second eye surgery. (Sounds like deja vu, doesn't it?) I swear that Sunday night I had butterflies out of this world and my sleep was restless and fitful. This is totally not good. I had a 3 day weekend and I am experiencing the same symptoms. This is NOT good. I've been working for this communications company for a year and 5 months.

The pay is good and with commission, I bring in good money. I love my co-workers. HOWEVER, the cubicle life is leaving me wanting so much more. The stress of the job almost isn't worth the money. My shift sucks (although I can't complain about that anymore since I do get a new one starting in exactly a month.) I have so much stress and anxiety before my shift starts. It usually passes once I get there, but it shouldn't be like that. I NEED AND CRAVE fulfillment in my job and life.

It's not just the job. I just need something different. I need to do something that makes me feel like I am doing something that matters....whether or not I get paid for it. It's time to re-examine the bar exam. For real. One more go at it. Outside of the state of Mississippi. I sat that dream on the shelf because it was taking too long. That wasn't fair to myself. Something has got to give.

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Thinking About Mothers....

Okay, I know this is a late post, but it takes me a minute to sort out all of my feelings about Mother's Day as the year go by. 

This marked the second Mother's Day without my mom and almost three years since she passed. It does get easier a little everyday, but I REALLY miss my mom.

Me and Mama; Baby Gerry's footprints

She was my best friend, more like sisters after I turned 18 than that strained mother-daughter relationship that a lot of women have. Every year around this time is hard for me. She passed in June, so next month will be tough as well. 

This year was especially hard for me because this would have been my first Mother's Day. For those that are new, I lost my firstborn son at 23 weeks last September  I never knew that there would be so much of a grieving process for someone that you never met BUT THERE IS. Every time I think that I have gone through the healing process, it comes right back up. Boo Thang, of course, anticipated all of this. He bought me Mother's Day gifts.

Who doesn't love gifts to brighten your day?

His sister did as well. They did a good job of keeping me in tears all Sunday. It feels good to still be considered as a mother. Boo Thang said, "just because he died, it doesn't erase the memory....it doesn't mean that it didn't happen." I've been learning through my support group that losing your child doesn't mean you aren't a mother. It's nice to hear it from those you love. So Mother's Day wasn't bad after all. It actually was a great and beautiful day. 

How did you spend your day?

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Random Acts of Kindness and Charity

Last night, Boo Thang and I went to Starbucks for a late night frappucino (I'm so spoiled). When we were leaving out of the store, Boo Thang was approached by a young guy. I went and got in the car....as I always do because this could take a while (Boo Thang can chat!). I was noticing that this guy was limping and he had a woman and a little baby with him. After Boo Thang gets in the car, the nosiness takes over and I ask what was up with the guy. Apparently, the guy and his little family just moved here looking for a new opportunity and were living in a hotel. Their money was running out and they were about to get put out of their room that night. He didn't even want cash. He was perfectly content to have someone just go and put money on the room. Now I'm hearing this story as Boo Thang is driving out of the parking lot!!! 

I just wasn't going to feel right in my spirit if that little baby was not going to have a place to sleep and these folks were walking around metro Jackson after dark. I made Boo Thang turn around and go get them!! It was almost $60 for the room, but that is a small price to pay for someone else's safety for the night. I said a little prayer as they piled in the car. We are really softhearted people and this has gotten us into sticky situations before, so I just had to trust that I was doing the right thing. It just felt really good to help them. To feel like I had made a difference even for 24 hours. 

Boo Thang gets to work this morning to tell this story to his co-workers...not in a bragging way, but in a "y'all won't believe what happened last night" way. He just called me and let me know that his office has taken it upon themselves to adopt this family because I made him turn around. They have each given one more night in the hotel. They are getting together clothes and going to buy food and toiletries. According to him, they have forgotten they have have a business to run, lol. He said  "this is the reason why I love you." *blushes* I can't take any credit for this. I just did what I would hope folks would do for me. I'm just proud to know that one random act of kindness turned into so much. I wish them well. 

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Deja Vu

It's been a moment since I've posted. I went back to work after my retinal detachment surgery and was getting acclimated to my surroundings and handling customers again. However, the evening of April 28, I started noticing wavy lines in my field of vision. I got nervous but prayed for the best. When I woke up that Monday, my vision was noticeably cloudy. By two in the afternoon, I couldn't see a thing out of that left eye.

from strategicstoryteller.com

Of course I feared the worst. I was already at work so I worked my whole shift (which my supervisor thought that I was crazy for doing). I went to the doctor on Tuesday. Diagnosis: traction retinal detachment in my left eye. This was caused by scar tissue that developed from the first surgery that was pulling the retina loose. It wasn't a complete detachment, my vision was obstructed by fluid. So here we are again.

I had surgery on Friday morning to re-repair the retina. Because the retina in my right eye had some weak spots in it, my ophthalmologist did some laser surgery on it too. The last thing I need is for this to happen in this eye too. They filled my eye with silicone oil, which is kinda like putting a pin in broken bone to help it heal. The down side is that I have to have a THIRD surgery in 3 months to take this oil back out. So I'm at home again on short term disability. I possibly caused this by going back to work too fast to stare at a computer screen for 8+ hours a day. I'm going to be a good little patient and take my recovery slow and steady this time. The good news is that I don't have to use any more of my personal leave this time because this ties back to the original disability claim. *happy dances* I just have to sit tight, rest and take it easy. Easier said than done....

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Getting Back Into The Swing Of Things

Today was my first day back at work since the surgery. 2 things....

1. Mondays are awful days to go back to work after a leave of absence. 
2. It's bright as all hell inside my office!!

I don't ever remember it being that bright before. I guess it has every thing to do with having to dilate my eyes twice a day. I'm literally sitting at my cubicle for 30 minutes at a time with the cataract shades on looking like Ray Charles. A co-worker told me "I'd rather look like him than be him..." Touche. 

I'm at work....however my personnel number is still inactive. Somebody better fix this before the end of the pay period. I worked all day. I need every bit of my $137.12. (yep....every dime).

I thought I missed work while I was out because I was SO bored. Turns out I didn't miss my job at all. In fact, I had butterflies in my stomach from the time my alarm went off...and not the good kind. It's about that time to get some new responsibilities. I'm not very good with repetition and monotony, so I'm getting antsy. Praying for new possibilities. 

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Time To Give Thanks

Today I am linking up with Michelle from Divas With A Purpose on Thankful Thursday. At a time where I find SO many things to complain about I guess I do need to sit down and think about the things that I am truly grateful for and the things I am blessed to have.

1. I am thankful for my eye surgery. Not only did I need to get that detached retina fixed, this afforded me a 2 week FMLA break from my job....which was well needed because I was feeling stuck. 
2. I am thankful for having such an understanding and caring boyfriend. I give thanks for him a lot because he's my best friend. I really don't know what I would do without him. 
3. I am thankful for this job, because even though I am not that fond of it right now, it allows me to do things that I haven't been able to in a long while. 
4. I am thankful for family. We don't always see eye to eye, but I love the fact that I can count on them at a moment's notice. 

What are you guys thankful for?

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I Hate The IRS....

Exactly!!!! (From homeschoolcpa.com)

Okay so I really don't hate the IRS. Being the procrastinator that I am, I waited til last night to file my tax returns. Found out that I actually OWE money. FEDERAL AND STATE. This sucks monkey balls. It's not much in the grand scheme of things...a total of $300, it just happens to be a huge inconvenience  Which is totally my fault. I tried to break even on my taxes and not get a refund and ended up staying tax exempt a little too long. Lesson learned!!! It's still hard not to be a little pissed. The older I get, the more I realized how much I get nickle and dimed for my paycheck. Then my commissions get taxed more than my base pay....THAT'S that ish I don't llike. 

I need to get a child or something.....LOL!!

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Monday Randoms

1. I was going through my Feedly and came across this blog post from Luvvie.  I saw the Celebrity Wife Swap episode that had Coolio in it and I roasted him out loud by myself the whole time he was on my screen. To read somebody else do it was PURE HILARITY!!!! I laughed so hard I woke up Boo Thang. I laugh when I think about this article. PLEASE go follow her blog. You will not regret it. 

2. I had a follow-up appointment with my opthamologist yesterday. The eye seems to be healing really well and the vision is starting to come back!! *Snoopy dances* HOWEVER, I am suffering from the worst headaches and eye strain imaginable. 30 minutes of computer time and/or TV is all i can do before headaches of migraine proportion start to happen. So....not ready to go back to work and stare at a computer screen for 8 hours a day yet. Next Monday for sure. 

3. My supervisor and my best gal work pals all texted me at the same time last night at the end of the shift. I felt loved. I miss them....not necessarily the stress of the job. Definitely the people. 

4. There is someone who I thought I was developing a friendship with that is quickly turning into a frenemy. I don't like those. Her competition with me is one sided. Her shade is irritating. *sighs*

5. It's spring in Mississippi....for the 3rd time in 2 weeks. Well today is more like early summer. It's 75 degrees. I hope this is going to be the trend because my sinuses can bear another temperature drop. 

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You Said WHAT Was Wrong With My Eye?!?!?!?

Anybody who knows me even a little bit knows that I am blind as a bat visually impaired to a certain extent. I've been wearing glasses since since I was 6 years old...so that says a lot. I haven't been to an optometrist in  about 2 years mostly because I didn't have insurance and my vision hasn't worsened in the last 6 years. Then I got pregnant. What To Expect While You're Expecting said that I probably shouldn't get new glasses during that time because the hormones will make your vision change. That book was like a Bible, so I didn't go. I should have. My vision had started to change around that time. Fuzziness, floaters, bright flashes of light in my left eye. It was abnormal, but not anything that I worried about at that time.....until I started to actually lose my vision. I woke up one day and realized that I was losing my central vision. So of course I went to the optometrist. 

That was the LONGEST appointment EVER!!! She basically told me then that I had a detached retina in my left eye and that the way it was detached I was at risk for permanent vision loss. I was at risk for this all along because of how nearsighted I am. [NOTE: It was at this moment that I made up my mind that I was done with doctors because EVERY TIME I go in for something I think is routine, it ends up in a Defcon 1 situation] Since this was now a medical emergency, I had to go to an ophthalmologist and go over surgery options. *sighs* Of course I was worried about not being able to see, but the grown-up in me was remembering that I hadn't met my deductible yet. So the surgery was set for Monday and all went well according to my doctor. There is a gas bubble in my eye, so It looks like I'm underwater in that eye. But I can already tell the difference. I can't see clearly, but I can see light and brightness....which I couldn't do last week. It all looked like I had on rose-colored glasses. It won't be for another 2 weeks until we should be able to tell how much of my vision could be saved. I'm optimistic though. Once this heals I have to get some laser surgery done in my right eye to prevent this from happening in my right eye. Because I know the symptoms, I won't wait dang near a year from the tear. 

This more annoying than painful. I can't watch TV or be on the computer for more than about 30 minutes before I have get a headache. But I do get a vacation from work...which is always a plus!!

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The Re-Launch!!!

And we're back!!!!! Today is the day that I re-launch The Southern Diva Chronicles. The purpose for the blog will remain primarily the same. More of my personal journey, rants, raves and reviews. Coming soon will be a weekly v-log. Thanks so much to Christina with Visual Luxe for the lovely new blog design! Stay tuned for more!!!

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Review: A Perfect Holiday Fling

A Perfect Holiday Fling by Farrah Rochon

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



For a novella, this book was jam packed with lovey dovey goodness. I want to know more about Callie and Stefan. I need to read some prequels about what brought them to this point and what happens next. This author really has a way of grabbing your attention and making you care about the characters.



View all my reviews

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To Be Thankful

In the midst of trials and tribulations, I must be mindful of all the things I have and am very grateful for.

1. Boo Thang! He's definitely been my rock this year. It's a co-dependent relationship that I'm grateful for.

2. My job. As much as I whine about it, I was unemployed this time last year. This job and its benefits and perks have given me blessings to do things that I haven't been financially able too in a long time.

3. Family and friends....I found out who my real friends were over the past few months and who really cares about me. Real and cyber.

4. My townhouse. It is great to have your own space. It really is.

5. My life. It's been one health scare after another. I'm just happy to be here.

What are you thankful for? Happy Thanksgiving!

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Grief.....

There have been a lot of changes going on in my life over the past two months. Every time that I try to blog more reguarly and get excited about things that are going on I experience a shift of sorts that takes me clean off the path that I was headed on and down another road that I have never ever seen.

Two months ago, (9/5/12) I went to my 24 week OB checkup. Boo Thang and I were excited. We were going to get another ultrasound to check and see if the baby's growth had improved since the amniocentesis. Unfortunately, we found out that the baby had no heartbeat. I had just gotten out of the hospital that Friday before, so I was devastated to know that my baby had died almost a week after I was assured everything was okay. I gave birth to my angel baby Gerry at 2:26pm on September 6, 2012. Small but perfect in every way.

I know that God doesn't make any mistakes and that everything happens for a reason, for for some reason I can't seem to bounce all the way back from this one. This is grief in a way that I haven't felt it before. I think it has everything to do with the fact that there is so much guilt involved. When I first got pregnant, I wasn't that excited. I was actually sad about it for 3 whole days. It was unplanned and I didn't feel like I was ready. I wasn't married. I hadn't acheived most of the goals that I had set for myself before becoming a mother. However, I quickly got attached to the life that was growing inside of me. I feel guilt that my own health issues were what basically ended the pregnancy. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I am definitely on a road to rediscovering myself and what it is that I want.

Have any of you experienced this or any other life altering event? How did you deal with it?

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Just An Update!!!

Hey there you guys!! It's been a minute since I've posted and I haven't updated on anything from the past couple weeks. So here are the updates.

1. I got the tests back fro, the amniocentesis that I had to get this morning. So far I am having a healthy baby boy.....who is a little on the small side. My test results came back abnormal for spinal defects but I am happy to report that there are no spinal defects, no chromosomal abnormalities.....nothing. The only thing that is a concern is that he is about 2 to 3 weeks behind in development size. This probably has everything to do with my high blood pressure. i am taking steps to take better care of myself to let little man have some growing room.

2. I MOVED!!!!! Boo Thang and I are no longer living with his mother and are currently getting settled into out new townhouse. I am so thankful for all the blessings that have been given to me over the past couple of months. It was past time for us to strike out on our own again and get back to the business of.....us

That's the long and short of it!!

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Week 18: Off To A Rocky Start

I am 18 weeks along in my pregnancy, 22 weeks to go......whoo hoo!

At my last appointment, I had a blood pressure screening. My blood pressure was reading too high (155/95), too many times in a row for my doctor's liking.....so she put me on blood pressure meds. (Eek!) It's back down to a normal range, thank God. The last thing I want are any complications. I really need to get my health together. I'm really to young to be on blood pressure meds. I want to be around as long as possible for my baby.

At this same appointment, I took the AFP screening for birth defects. I always said I wanted this test....and that notion is good only in theory. After playing phone tag with my doctor all day Tuesday, I learned that the test came back abnormal. I think I cried 2 whole hours after that. I kept (....well I still do) keep thinking what did I do wrong. I did keep forgetting to take prenatal vitamins. My diet is RANDOM...I see food and eat it. The main reason I wanted the test in the first place is because autism and what is probably undiagnosed Downs run on my dad's side of the family. Now I'm terrified. Then I got on the internet......

.....and realized abnormal means nothing til I know the details. I have my anatomy scan (finally find out pink or blue!) next week, then an appointment with a fetal medicine and genetic specialist (praises go up for great insurance). So please keep me in your prayers. Hopefully I won't have a nervous breakdown between now and then.

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Worries and Fears

As exciting as being pregnant is, there are so many things that I'm deathly afraid of. I don't think I've been this nervous in life......and I thought I'd done some pretty important things beforehand. Nope. Not really. So here are my fears.....in no particular order. 1. What if something happens to the baby?! Now this might be an irrational fear, but I am afraid of not carrying this baby to term. Every tweak or twinge scares the beejeezus out of me sometimes. 2. What in the world have I gotten myself into? I've prided myself on being 28 with no kids by choice. Am I really ready? 3. Am I going to be a good parent? 4. How in the world am I gonna do this without my mama? This one stays in the back of my mind. She was my rock and better half LOL. I'm really hoping that she's gearing up for some ghost appearances....I need her. *sighs* 5. Is my relationship going to change? 6. I still have so many things to do in life....can I still get these things done? These things and more have me sleeping like 30 minutes at a time at night. Did anyone else have similar fears with their first child?

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Welcome Back & The Announcement!

I know that my posting hasn't been worth ish. Access to internet is limited and to be perfectly honest.....sometimes after working on a computer for 8+ hours a day, I really don't feel like getting on one at home. But I am back and will be posting more regularly. So on to the announcement.....

I am 12 weeks pregnant!!!! It was a shock to both Jay and I, but why it was such a shock is beyond me lol. I've been off birth control for health reasons since October 2011. The rhythm method was working so well that I think we forgot that that mess wasn't foolproof. So I'm going to be a mommy! My first thought was "Noooo.....I'm too young!!!" Then I realized that I am going to turn 29 in August. I'm really running out of time to have pregnancies that aren't high risk ones. When I saw that positive Clear Blue Easy, I really just panicked. No other way to say it. I always try to schedule things where they go into their perfect place. Kids was supposed to come only after the career get on track and most importantly after marriage. Welp! Change in plans. Every day that passes, the more excited I become about bringing life into the world. The great part about it is that I have a loving partner that will be there every step of the way! So let's have a drink to me (well y'all drink and I'll watch). This blog will turn into a journal of my pregnancy with posts, rants, random commentary and pictures throughout the way!!

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